


Pariah

by Dianascanary



Series: A USWNT Universe [4]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Related, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, I Blame Tumblr, I'm Bad At Tagging, Out of Character, Slow Burn, US Women's Soccer National Team
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:22:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dianascanary/pseuds/Dianascanary
Summary: Melody Bordeaux is called up to the USWNT a few months before the 2016 Olympics, she gets to know everyone on team, especially Hope Solo, but when the back half of 2016 starts, their relationship begins to dwindle as Hope becomes a pariah amongst her own teammates and an enemy of herself.
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, Ashlyn Harris/Original Female Character(s), Carli Lloyd/Kelley O'Hara, Hope Solo/Original Female Character(s), Julie Johnston/Christen Press, Tobin Heath/Alex Morgan
Series: A USWNT Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449586
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53





	1. Could you tell me like it is

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've been working on this for a while! Even before Your Heads Only Medicine. It's a take on how the summer of 2016 changed the team emotionally and how things seemed to tumble out of control for Hope. I hope you enjoy it! Word of warning this is a bit dark and some of the characters are OOC. For example, Hope is an absolute asshole in this. A loveable asshole, but an asshole nonetheless. You'll see what I'm talking about eventually. Just read the story. Hope you enjoy.

_Now could you tell me like it is? Pretty little fears. Music to my ears._

____

____

______Melody looked up to the sky as she was guided to the pitch. The sun was out, beaming down onto her dark skin, but it was colder than the Arctic. Or maybe it wasn't and it just felt that way being from Malibu._ _ _ _ _ _

______It's a bad idea, she knows, but she looks directly into the Sun, briefly wondering how long it would take to burn her retinas and never be able to use them again. It's obvious it takes longer than the amount of time she's allotted. There are only the little purple and black splotches, and the floaters that you try to trace with your eyes but they just keep floating downwards._ _ _ _ _ _

______She's still walking toward the pitch, toward the USWNT who she knows is going to expect things of her. Things she's going to have to try her hardest to live up to. It's like when you go your whole high school career without needing to study for anything and suddenly you get to college and you're failing because you don't know how to fucking study._ _ _ _ _ _

______She's going to have to actually work for it now. And yes, she knows that's pretentious as all fuck and just as arrogant, but it's the truth. Unfortunately. Some of them will even know who she is. What she's here for, whose shoes she's filling, even though she's not quite sure herself. They'll think they know all about her, even though they don't and they won't._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jill blows a whistle to get the team's attention. Melody would have flinched if she was a lesser woman, but she merely blinks and watches as all of those eyes land on her. She takes a deep breath and stills herself. The first day of the rest of her life. How dramatic._ _ _ _ _ _

______She doesn't want to be standoffish, so as she's introduced, she waves and smiles shyly. She's happy to be here, she really is, she's just a little overwhelmed._ _ _ _ _ _

______She's getting thrown into the lion's den, and her hands are cuffed behind her back and her shoelaces are tied together. It's going to be an uphill battle, she knows, but she takes a deep breath. She's ready to fight._ _ _ _ _ _

______"This is Melody Bordeaux. A forward, played a bit for U-20, and was with Man City for awhile. Now she's with us, so make her feel welcome." Jill pats Melody on the shoulder a bit before backing up and leaving the team to their mini-break. Melody tries to keep the eyeroll subtle but she's sure someone catches._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Melody Bordeaux."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody turns her head to address the person, "Yes?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"You've missed like maybe 3 shots your entire time with Manchester? How?" Ashlyn asks with a suspicious smile. Her hands are on hips and there's a towel on her shoulder but she doesn't look to have been sweating at all. Melody isn't really sure what that says about her. But she decides she'll indulge for her own sake. She can perform character analyses later._ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody laughed a bit, "I can show you better than I can tell you." She gestured for a ball, Tobin passed her one, she then walked onto the pitch, approaching penalty kick distance. The rest of the team follows her. Well, the ones were curious anyway. Most stayed to enjoy the rest of their break._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hope got in goal, partly because she was already there, she looked at the forward with a raised eyebrow. Her face was about as serious as it normally was during games, but Melody didn't let that stop her from smirking at the goalkeeper._ _ _ _ _ _

______She placed the ball onto the turf, then stepped back a step. Part of her "trick" was her cockiness. She often knew she would score and she let it show. Now, was no different. She's not exactly sure what came over her but she planned on ruining Hope Solo's day. It's the principle of the thing._ _ _ _ _ _

______The shot was quick, her hips planted one way but the ball flew the other and Hope was nowhere near it. It was quite pretty if she did say so herself._ _ _ _ _ _

______Her new teammates cheered. Hope got to her knees, a scowl planted on her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody stared back at her for a moment. She'd be a liar if she tried to say that look didn't affect her. Definitely not in the way that she assumes Hope intended. Maybe it was the smoldering glint that could clearly be seen in her deep blue eyes, (it made the swirling blue look as if it was boiling over) or maybe it was simply because Melody was a masochist, but she liked that look, she liked being the cause of it, and she liked it pointed directly at her._ _ _ _ _ _

______The rest of the training went much the same. Melody scoring on Hope when she got the chance and Hope becoming increasingly frustrated. And Melody lived for each and every second of it._ _ _ _ _ _

______The two stared each other down on more than one occasion. The rest of the team sometimes felt like they were intruding. Pinoe even murmurs "Get a room" at a point where she knows the two in question won't hear her. Julie hears her but rolls her eyes instead of laughing as she walks past._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hey, Melody. We're going out for drinks tonight, want to join?" Julie asked the new forward with a soft smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody thought for a second. She didn't have anything else to do but sit at home, and it would probably be beneficial to get to know her new teammates off the pitch. She grabbed the things she needed out of her locker and changed into her regular clothing._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah, I'd like that." JJ smiled brightly as she placed her snapback onto her head._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Great, I'll come to get you out of your room around 8."_ _ _ _ _ _

______☆☆☆☆_ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody sat with a small group of mostly defenders, save for herself and Alex. They were tipsy at most, some on the way to drunk. Julie, whom she had been spending most of her time with, seemed fine, however. Almost a little too fine, like she had some kind of ulterior motive. Which, Melody was sure she did. She always seemed to be planning something._ _ _ _ _ _

______"So, Melody. Tell us about yourself." She said with her ever-present bright smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______There it was. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop and it didn't seem to take long. Pesky gravity. She takes a long sip of her bourbon she had been nursing, then took a deep breath to calm her nerves and to rid her tongue of the taste. Somehow she had become unaware of the fact that she didn't like bourbon._ _ _ _ _ _

______"What do you want to know?" She asked as she smoothes down the ruffle of her skirt. It's short, or at least it looks that way, in reality, it's just pulled all the way up to her belly button. It's what she calls versatility._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Just about you. Like where you're from? Where'd you go to school? How'd you get Hope to hate you so quickly? Things like that." Melody chuckled, she tried not to glance in the direction of the keeper seated at the bar. Judging by the raised, suspicious eyebrow JJ gives her, she doesn't succeed._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Um, well. I was born and raised in Malibu. My mom's Haitian and my dad's French-Canadian. I have dual citizenship actually. Uh, dad left when I was 14 and it's just been me, my mom, and my little brother, Mackenzie, ever since." The girls seemed to have mixed reactions to the story. She's not sure about what exactly, but maybe they're doing that character analysis thing that she was trying to attempt earlier._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You know how to surf?" Ashlyn asked with a hopeful look on her face. She was one of the ones who seemed the most curious about the newcomer. If Melody was maybe an ounce more self-important she'd say the goalkeeper had a crush on her._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I do, but I don't really like to. Takes forever for my hair to dry. Sorry." She smiles at her own joke and takes another sip of her bourbon, only to be disappointed when it continues to taste like shit._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Anyway, I went to UCLA, then got sent out to Man City. Now I'm here."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"You speak any other languages?" Alex asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______"French, German, and Haitian Creole, which if I'm being honest, isn't that far off from French. French is my first, it was pretty much the only language my parents spoke to us up until we got really into school." Melody shrugged, most people got this weird look of pure admiration when she told them she spoke multiple languages and this group was no different._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Damn. I wish I knew French. The girls would be all over me then." Kling said shaking her head dejectedly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Kling. The girls would look directly over your head when you spoke to them. Doesn't matter what language you're speaking." Crystal joked as she sipped her cosmopolitan. The rest of the group laughed as Kling pouted playfully._ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody peered down at her close to empty glass. She really hadn't lied about being a masochist. She excused herself from the table and headed towards the bar._ _ _ _ _ _

______Her luck was minimal, always has been, so therefore the only free spot at the bar is next to Hope Solo, because yeah, of course, it is._ _ _ _ _ _

______The Hope Solo who probably wants her dead for ruining her day. And yes, that was what Melody set out to do, but she was sort of surprised she accomplished it. Okay, not really, but she's been told she needs to humble herself a bit._ _ _ _ _ _

______She waves the bartender over and waits for him to finish up with the customer he was currently attending to._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sorry about practice."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hope glimpses at her, then peered down into her drink, "No you're not."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"You're right. I'm not."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Look, I'm not the one you want to be having small talk with right now."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Why?" Melody's brow furrowed. Hope seemed like she was in a generally bad mood all the time. What could possibly be any different now. "Is the big bad gk still mad I scored on her? Don't take it personally I score on everybody." Welp, so much for humbling herself._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hope rolled her eyes so hard, she was scared they would fall out for a second. "Your cockiness is unattractive."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm sure to some it is, but something's telling me you find it refreshing. I might even go as far to say you do indeed find my cockiness attractive." Melody took a sip of her new drink. She peered over her shoulder, getting that feeling someone was watching her again. She expects it to be Julie making sure she wasn't roofied and sex trafficked, but instead it's Ashlyn. Someone, she had only talked to breifly. It's a curious look, one that she doesn't have the wherewithal to decipher quite yet, so she turns back to Hope._ _ _ _ _ _

______"They think I should be afraid of you for some reason." Melody chuckled at the end of her statement to lighten the mood. It was a crazy thought really. She's not sure she could ever be afraid of Hope._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm sure you've seen the news, read the articles. According to them, you should be." Hope takes a large gulp of her drink. It burns, but it's the price she'll pay for the prospect of not remembering any of this in the morning._ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody fully turns to face the taller woman next to her. Her frown deepens with a sincerity she hasn't really felt all day, "You won't hurt me."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hope turns to look at her head-on as well, her eyes are doing that thing again. That thing where they suck Melody in only to drown her at a moment's notice in the bubbling blue water. That thing that Melody likes._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I wouldn't be too sure about that."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody's eyes narrow for a second before she turns back around, facing the bar again. She bites her lip in thought. She's searching for something clever to say but for once all escapes her. All escapes her until she stops searching for something clever to say and instead just says what she wants to._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Wanna get out of here? I have a point to prove, and I'm sure you do too."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Instead of the scowl and lazy agreement she assumes she's going to get, she gets a smirk in answer. Melody decides she might like that dark mischievous glint better than the frustrated one._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hope gestures for the barman and silently pays her tab. She gets up to leave, then stops when she realizes that Melody is still sitting there._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You coming?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody takes a deep breath. What did she just get herself into? Whatever it is, if it turns out bad she'll just equate it to the masochism like she does everything else._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yes."_ _ _ _ _ _

______☆☆☆☆_ _ _ _ _ _

______Melody honestly doesn't remember much after that. She remembers getting a cab and getting to Hope's room and being stripped of her clothing before she could even say anything, but after that things get really fuzzy. She thinks maybe she wakes in the early hours of the morning to Hope hissing as she rolls onto her back, but she could have just dreamed that up._ _ _ _ _ _

______The events of the night don't start to make even a lick of sense until she wakes up in an empty hotel room surrounded by a pool of cold sheets._ _ _ _ _ _

______In hindsight, she should have seen this coming._ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Your silence is the most violent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I'm not supposed to post this so close to the last chapter, but I love this story so much and the chapter has been done for months. Hope you enjoy.

_Tell me how to feel about you now. Oh, let me know. Do I suffocate or let go? ___

__Hope winced at the look she was getting from Carli. She was acting like she knew it all again. Like she saw right through Hope's lies. It was one of her lesser qualities._ _

__Carli opens her mouth as though to say something but Hope takes a sharp right before she can get anything out. She has a raging headache and her back stings like a bitch, Carli's voice is oddly high pitched in the morning and it's only going to serve to make her headache worse._ _

__She preoccupies herself with piling food onto her plate. Maybe, if she scowls just that much harder everyone will steer clear of her for the day._ _

__She takes a seat at an empty table enjoying the seclusion for about as long as it lasts. She can practically feel when Melody walks into the room. Her face flushes and her back stings a bit more. It's annoying, to say the least._ _

__Her eyes trace the forward's every move as she walks in and greets a few players (namely JJ, then Ashlyn intercepts her a moment later) then heads to the food. Hope silently wills her not to look in her direction. She doesn't think she'd be able to deal with that. She hasn't even dealt fully with the events of the previous night._ _

__To Hope, Melody Bordeaux screamed trouble. She breathed complicatedness. And she absolutely dripped confidence. It was a scary combination. It put Hope on edge, and yet she admired it all at the same time. Though, she'd be hard pressed to ever admit any of that._ _

__It could be proposed that Hope liked the woman, sure, but the more digestible statement for Hope was that she just harbored a morbid curiosity about the girl. A meager fascination if you will._ _

__She'd never been one to go by the book, so why would she start now._ _

__Melody glances at her with an odd mix of anger and curiosity. Hope raises an eyebrow in question only to receive an eyeroll in return. The forward then reluctantly sits inbetween Alex and Ashlyn a few tables over._ _

__"I think she wanted to sit with you."_ _

__Hope jumps a bit in her seat. She winces as her shirt brushes against her back as a result. She glares at the intruder of her personal space._ _

__"Well, it seems her and everyone else in the room got the memo that I didn't want anyone sitting with me." It comes out a bit harsher than she intends, but no matter how she said it, the recipient would always have the same response._ _

__Kelley shrugged, "You're used to me not adhering to your big grumpy keeper mood swings." She sat back in the uncomfortable plastic chair with an easy smirk. She'd kick her feet onto the table for even more of an attempt at relaxation, but she had some sense of manners._ _

__"Just because I'm used to it, doesn't mean I Iike it." Hope replied noncommittally. Kelley wasn't listening, and if she was being honest, which she never is, she doesn't really mind Kelley's presence. The defender would probably walk right into the bathroom with her if she could._ _

__"I'm your best friend. Or course you like it." Kelley smiled brightly, her arms crossed over her chest._ _

__"Isn't Carli my best friend?" She continued to pick at her mediocre breakfast. She pretends not to notice the look in Kelley's eyes at the mention of Carli's name._ _

__"The fact that you have to ask says a lot. Also, I'm over here with you and she's over there cowering in the corner like a bitch because you probably told her to leave you alone." The bitterness slips out before Kelley can catch it, but again Hope keeps her thoughts to herself._ _

__"Fine. You're my best friend." It's placating, they both know it, but Kelley never hesitates to take anything in stride._ _

__"And as your best friend, I possess the right to tell you to stop doing that."_ _

__"Doing what?" Hope crosses her arms defensively and refuses to make eye contact._ _

__"Shutting people out. You know they're finicky and quite a few of them have the backbone of a dead eel. They don't trust you and they're never going to if you don't let them at least some of the way in." Kelley gestured to the rest of the room with a minute, yet all encompassing gesture._ _

__She only gets part of a half assed shrug and a look that she'll never be able to fully read in response._ _

__Kelley sighs, then decides it's high time for a subject change, so she chooses one she hopes is just as volatile._ _

__"So, how was it?"_ _

__"So, how was what?" Hope eyes Kelley suspiciously. The smaller defender always knew more than Hope ever wanted her to. She's not sure how, but the girl was surprisingly sneaky when she wanted to be._ _

__"The sex. With Melody."_ _

__Hope doesn't even have the energy to deny it. Kelley keeps her voice down, not that anyone cared to listen in the first place. It was the small blessings that really counted._ _

__"How'd you know?"_ _

__"You snuck off together in broad bar light. Everyone else may have been unnecessarily drunk, but I wasn't. Also, you're sitting ramrod straight, like you're afraid sitting back will hurt. Which means, she did a number on your back. Which means you did a number on her p-"_ _

__"I get it, Kelley."_ _

__"I'm proud of you, Hopey. Didn't know you had it in you." There's a lilt in Kelley's voice. Just enough to suggest to Hope that she isn't talking about Hope's sexual prowess. She's talking about something deeper._ _

__"What? That I cheated on my husband of 4 years?" The laugh that Hope let's out is about as humorless as they come._ _

__Kelley is silent for a bit, save for the insistent shaking of her head. "No. That you cheated and truly do not give a fuck. Oh, and friendly reminder, it will forever be fuck you for running off to get married without telling me."_ _

__The following chuckle Hope let's out does have quite a bit more feeling behind it than the first, "You would have hated it anyway."_ _

__Kelley only shrugs, she has no way of knowing if that's actually true and somehow, she's fine with that._ _

__"I know you don't want to hear it, but don't go acting all "Hope" with Melody. She likes you, you like her. Don't miss out on that. Won't be fun for either of you."_ _

__"I don't know what acting all "Hope" means-"_ _

__"Yes, you do."_ _

__"-Besides, it was a one-time thing. It didn't mean anything." Hope stares softly at Melody who's being crowded by her fellow forwards. Melody looks back at her a moment later, her lip inbetween her teeth._ _

__Hope briefly wonders what it would be like to bite that lip for her, then she promptly remembers she already knows. A betraying blush settles over her cheeks._ _

__Kelley laughs at her, "Maybe next time you try to lie to me, make sure your face is on the same page as your head, m'kay?"_ _

__She doesn't have to believe herself to convince someone else, but if she said that out loud, she'd just be lying again._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__It's starting to itch now. Her back feels like a bunch of tiny fire ants are attending a rave underneath her skin. It's probably a little dramatic, but that's how she fucking feels._ _

__She rather die than explain anything to Carli at the moment, but she can only see so much of herself in the mirror and she needs someone to look._ _

__She catches the woman as she rounds the corner._ _

__"Hey, Carli. Can you take a look at my back? It stings a bit." Hope raises up her shirt before she can get out any questions._ _

__Carli gasps, "What the fuck, Hope? What did you do, jump into an enclosure at the zoo?" It has since occurred to her that Carli is equally as dramatic as her, if not more so._ _

__At this point, even she knew it wasn't that bad. No blood was drawn, just a couple of red and pink scratches from what she could see. They hurt like paper cuts, though._ _

__Hope rolled her eyes. "Yeah, something like that."_ _

__She leaves without any further words. She's sure Carli calls after her, but she's annoyed now. She hasn't even spoken to that damn forward all day and yet she's still somehow ruining it for her._ _

__She knocks incessantly on the door of the room she's taking a wild guess that she's in. Melody takes her sweet time opening the door. Once it is open, the foward just stares at her blankly._ _

__"Can I help you?" It's sarcasm. Hope expects nothing less._ _

__Not wanting just anyone to hear the comtents of the conversation, she pushes herself inside._ _

__"What the fuck, Bordeaux? You scratched the shit out of my back last night." Hope can tell they're the only two in the room, but that doesn't stop her from whisper-yelling._ _

__"You weren't complaining at the time." Melody crosses her arms with a dark smirk. She pushes her falling curls out of her face with her hand._ _

__"Of course I wasn't. I was beyond drunk. I probably couldn't feel it." It's a cop out. She wasn't that drunk at all, but she really hadn't noticed at the time. She was more or less preoccupied._ _

__"You could certainly feel other things though." Melody raised an eyebrow, "Funny, how things like that work, huh?"_ _

__"Look, that can't happen again. And you can't tell anyone." She's grasping for straws in the bag of intimidation tatics that normally get her what she wants. But Melody keeps dismantling them with that same look that suggests she's bored and that she has much better things she could be doing that don't involve Hope._ _

__"Why? Because you cheated on your husband? Or because you're scared it actually might have meant something? The big, bad goalkeeper has a crush, doesn't she?" Melody pats Hope on the chest condescendingly._ _

__"God, you're infuriating."_ _

__"I get that a lot."_ _

__"Naturally."_ _

__"Say it, Hope. I bet you can't." Melody's in her personal space now. In her face, if she was maybe four inches taller._ _

__"Say what?" It takes everything in her not to glance down at Melody's lips. They're just so close to her own. And yet._ _

__"Say it didn't mean anything. Say that you don't like me, even a little bit." Melody's smirk is downright devilish and Hope would give anything to wipe it off her face, preferably with her own face._ _

__"You think you know me. It's cute." Melody just shrugs in response. She'll take it. Deflection most times pointed to the truth. And for some reason, Hope doesn't think her emotions are as readable as a large print children's book mostly compiled of colorful illustrations. How naive._ _

__Hope gives up on her inner battle. She crashes their lips together without any warning, but it's not as if Melody is going to protest._ _

__"I thought you said 'this can't happen again'." Melody says as she breaks away for breath. Hope's mouth chases hers a bit._ _

__"Yeah well, apparently I'm a pathological liar." She reattches their lips after a small giggle escapes Melody._ _

__It doesn't go much further than forcibly shoving tongues down throats, if only because JJ, Ashlyn, and Alex come knocking on the door looking for Melody._ _


	3. Can you make this work for me

_"Please can you make this work for me. 'Cause I'm not a puppet I will work against your strings." ___

__Julie has been giving her a look all day. It doesn't quite say "I know what you did last summer", but it does say "I know you did something last summer", which, subjectively, is worse._ _

__She's sitting on the bed adjacent to Melody's, pretending to watch ESPN. In her defense, Melody wasn't watching either._ _

__Ashlyn is laying next to Melody on the bed, she's flat on her stomach, and facing the end of the bed. Her legs sometimes hitting Melody as they swing in the air in time with the music in her headphones._ _

__Julie winced as Melody lighly placed a hand on Ashlyn's legs to get them to stop flailing._ _

__It's a second later that Melody's phone chimes with a text._ _

__JJ: She likes you y'know_ _

__Melody looks up at Julie with a curious eyebrow. She understood why Julie wasn't just talking, but it was still a bit odd to text someone who was in the room with you._ _

__Melody: I'm aware_ _

__Julie sighs almost loud enough for Ashlyn to hear. Ashlyn, who is still swinging her legs in reckless abandon. She's three seconds away from getting kicked off the bed._ _

__JJ: But you're not going to do anything about it._ _

__The sudden punctuation seems pointed. Like Julie wanted her to know it was not a question, instead Julie already knew. She's hard pressed to say an intimidation tactic._ _

__Melody: Your point?_ _

__JJ: My point is don't lead her on you asshole_ _

__Melody: What makes you think I don't like her back?_ _

__JJ: Hope._ _

__Melody shoots up in her seat a bit. She looks at Julie with a mix of concern and terror._ _

__"How'd you know?"_ _

__Julie glances at Ashlyn before determining that she's not paying the slightest bit of attention to them._ _

__"You're not exactly subtle." She must notice the desperate panic that crosses Melody's face because she's quickly speaking again, "Don't worry. I don't think anyone else has noticed. They don't really pay much attention to her outside the game, but whatever it is...please be careful. I don't want it blowing up in your face. Hope can be very...Hope about things sometimes, especially about things she wants but thinks she can't have. And, I know you don't know what that means, but I don't want you to have to find out."_ _

__Before Melody can ask any of smoldering questions currently burning her psyche to a crisp, Ashlyn becomes sentient again._ _

__"What are you two talking about?" She smiles goofily as she snatches off her headphones and clambers onto the bed the correct way._ _

__"These refs have really lost it." Julie points to the television where some referee mistake highlights are being shown._ _

__It's not outwardly obvious Ashlyn doesn't believe them, but Melody still has that nagging feeling in her gut. That feeling she gets whenever she's alone with Hope. That feeling that says 'This is inevitably going to bite you in the ass, so you might as well enjoy the pain'. Yeah, that feeling._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__"Can we talk?" Melody has that determined look in her eye. Her eyes are serious yet they dart from corner to corner as if she thinks she's being watched._ _

__Hope watches as the determination slowly melts away to desperation. She nods slowly, her head jerking to her own hotel room._ _

__Melody enters pensively, like something was going to jump out at her at any moment. She wouldn't put it past Hope to booby trap the place._ _

__Hope stays by the door, her arms crossed over her chest._ _

__"Julie knows."_ _

__Melody isn't exactly sure how she expected Hope to react. An angry jaw clench, an annoyed roll of the eyes, maybe even a pissed telling off. She most definitely did not expect Hope to start laughing._ _

__"I'm sorry, am I missing something?" It's not fair. It really isn't. Hope gets to pretend like this doesn't effect her. Hope gets to pretend like her feelings aren't involved in this, whatever this is. Hope gets to pretend she has the upper hand, like she's always always steps ahead of Melody. When in reality, when Melody takes her one step forward and two steps back, Hope's right there with her._ _

__"The kid's observant. I like to think I taught her that." The smile on Hope's face would be contagious if Melody wasn't feeling every other emotion at once._ _

__"You're an insufferable asshole."_ _

__Hope only shrugs, "Kelley knows too. Apparently we weren't that subtle."_ _

__"And that doesn't bother you?" Melody's eyes narrow. She's learned a lot about Hope in the minimal hours she's known her. Probably more than anyone else on the team could probably wish to._ _

__"Not anymore. Two people knowing that we slept together once is not the end of the world." Hope's eyebrow twitches and her arms drop to her sides._ _

__It's then that Melody gets it. The affliction in Hope's voice. The change of posture. She gets it, and she's not sure how she didn't before. It was as obvious as an elephant hiding behind a telephone pole._ _

__"How's that going for you so far?"_ _

__Hope's eyebrows furrow. It's a minute movement, but Melody catches it, and she smirks._ _

__"How's what going?"_ _

__"Pretending that this doesn't mean anything to you. How's that going for you?" It's Melody's turn to cross her arms._ _

__Hope stays silent, that jaw clench Melody expected to see earlier, has now creeped itself into Hope's features._ _

__"If it was purely up to me I'd give you the Oscar right now. How does it feel? Being a coward? Do tell, I wouldn't know. Because I'm not afraid to admit that I have feelings for you, Hope, no matter how vulnerable that may make me feel. Is it tiresome? Do your feet hurt, standing up and lying on them all day must be taxing." Melody watches bittersweetly as Hope's jaw clenches even more angrily._ _

__There's words that desperately want to be released from the prison of Hope's mouth, but it seems she's lost the key. Melody isn't sure what hurts more. Hope keeping the words behind her teeth or the lying right through them._ _

__"For someone who hates letting people know what she's thinking, your silence is very telling." Melody heads for the door that Hope is either blocking on purpose or maybe not._ _

__"You're a know it all, and yet there's so much you don't know about me."_ _

__Melody takes a deep breath, "Then tell me."_ _

__"It's not that easy."_ _

__"And why not, Hope? What would it take for you to get over yourself and just fucking talk to me? You think I'm going to runaway? I already told you, I'm not a coward." Melody paused for a minute, gathering her thoughts._ _

__"You know, there's one very telling thing about all of this. You haven't once said anything about not liking me back. And you're pretty vocal about things you don't like. That's why I'm so upset. It's not fair. You get to act like you're fine, while I suffer in the wings, because you can't admit to yourself that you have feelings for me."_ _

__Melody scoots past Hope without looking back._ _

__"Melody, wait."_ _

__"There's only one thing that could make me walk back into this room with you Hope, and I don't think you're ready to give it to me."_ _

__Hope doesn't say anything further. Melody nods sadly, "That's what I thought. You know where to find me when you figure yourself out."_ _

__Melody closes the door softly behind her. Hope would have preferred if she had slammed it in her face._ _

__Her fingers twitch, and shape themselves into a fist. The wall may become a victim, but there's no visble damage to prove it, unless you look at her knuckles. If anyone asks, she'll just blame it on an unlucky punching bag._ _

__Besides, punching a wall is way less volatile than angry crying, which is what she really wants to do._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Melody walks down the hall blindly. Her overheated face is cooling in the draft she's creating as she walks briskly away from somewhere that's anywhere away from where she just was._ _

__"Oh, there you are, Mel. I was just looking for you." Ashlyn greets as she steps away from Julie's door._ _

__Melody hates being called 'Mel'. It's not her name. But she simply doesn't have the mental capacity to say anything about it at the moment._ _

__"A-Are you okay?"_ _

__Melody chuckles. No, she's not okay. There are tears drying on her face and her chest hurts. She wants to curl up in a ball and sleep for the next six months. No, she is most definitely not okay._ _

__"Do you need a hug?" Melody takes a page out of Hope's book and doesn't say anything. Ashlyn takes that as an invitation and wraps her arms around her._ _

__Melody hates herself for wishing it was Hope in Ashlyn's place._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Hope frowns at the knocking at her door. She's not stupid enough to hope that it's Melody, which means she has to all but force herself to actually open it._ _

__"What?" Maybe she could benefit from being a bit nicer, but what would be the point exactly._ _

__"I know it was you."_ _

__Hope smirks, "Ashlyn, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't tell Jill to play me instead of you. She just does."_ _

__Ashlyn rolled her eyes, "Melody was crying. You had something to do with it."_ _

__Hope bites her tongue a bit, "Did she tell you that?"_ _

__"She didn't have to."_ _

__"Oh, so you don't know then. You're just assuming I had something to do with it, because when things don't turn out how you want them to it's always my fault."_ _

__"You don't know what you're talking about, Solo." Ashlyn's fist clenches at her side. Hope isn't worried about her hitting her._ _

__"Don't I? You're jealous, Ashlyn. Of what exactly? Well that's up to you to pick through." Hope's used to using her height to her advantage, unfortunately Ashlyn is too._ _

__"Whatever. Just leave Melody alone. She's too nice to see how much of an ass you are." Ashlyn's eyes search Hope's. Whatever she's looking for, Hope's not going to give her._ _

__"No, I think she's plenty aware."_ _

__Luckily, Ashlyn doesn't stick around long enough to pick that apart._ _

__This time at least one frustrated tear slips before she angrily swipes it away._ _


	4. Only fools do what I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note for the chapter ahead. I said this story was ooc for a reason and this story is purely fictional.

_Only fools fall for you, only fools. Only fools do what I do, only fools fall. ___

__Melody can feel it in the air. Like old people feel the incoming rain, in their knees, she feels it. The other shoe is about to drop. That awful pulling in her gut had intensified tenfold just about._ _

__It was never going to be sunshine and rainbows for them, she knew that. But that didn't mean she had to abide by it. Though, she probably should have._ _

__It starts with an argument. Though, she expects nothing less from the two of them. They argue like an old married couple, and that's something they fail to keep behind closed doors._ _

__It's breakfast, so maybe not the best setting, but that hasn't stopped Hope before. She claims to be a victim of circumstance._ _

__"Can you get your gaurd dog off my back?" It's almost a growl. The annoyance in Hope's voice mixing with her attempted whisper._ _

__"What are you talking about?" Melody glances up at Hope with a bored eye roll. She had thought she made it clear the day before that they were not to be talking until Hope 'woman-ed up'._ _

__"Harris. She decided it would be a good idea to harass me last night after you left. And now she's glaring at me like I stole her favorite toy." Hope glances back at Ashlyn, sure enough, she's staring back at her with a dark look._ _

__Melody sighed. It was clear Hope somehow didn't realize that Ashlyn was jealous, and not in the way Hope probably assumed._ _

__"Stop being a completely insufferable dumbass and maybe she'll lay off of you."_ _

__"Look, I know you're mad at me, but there's no need to insult my intelligence."_ _

__"I beg to differ."_ _

__"Melody."_ _

__"Hope. You do not want to have this conversation right now."_ _

__"Might as well."_ _

__"Oh my god, would you two just fuck already?" Alex groans into her hands, "It's like watching a bad soap opera." Kelley, whom is sitting next to her, makes a face. She casually covers her mouth to keep from saying anything she's not supposed to._ _

__"Yeah, Hope. Why don't we just fuck already?" It's sarcastic. Hope knows that. Everyone in the room knows. Though, some interpret it differently than others._ _

__"Why'd she say it like that?" Megan's eyebrows furrowed confusedly._ _

__Carli rolled her eyes, "Give it a few seconds." She glances at Hope disappointedly. She doesn't know the details of anything, and she won't pretend to. But judging from the hostility painted on Melody's face, she assumes she's not currently witnessing a fairytale ending._ _

__"OH MY GOD. YOU TWO FUCKED. HOPE YOU FUCKED HER?! WHY?! EWWWW! She's a baby." Megan exclaimed loudly. Hope rubbed the bridge of her nose. This was all happening a little too quickly. Her control was slipping and that was something she simply couldn't put up with._ _

__"I'm 25, Pinoe."_ _

__Pinoe just shrugged._ _

__"You fucked her?" Ashlyn asked, her voice barely above a whisper._ _

__Hope squinted at the goalkeeper. Ashlyn was the absolute last person she needed knowing her business. "I don't want to talk about it."_ _

__"You fucked her!" Hope briefly wondered why Ashlyn asked if she already knew the answer, but her thought process is quickly interrupted when she finds herself hitting the floor shoulder blades first._ _

__"What the fuck, Ashlyn. How old are you?!" Ashlyn catches Hope in the jaw once. She attempts to do it again, but with her teammates grabbing for her it makes it easier for Hope to dodge._ _

__Before Ashlyn is pulled back to safety, Hope draws back her own fist, landing directly onto Ashlyn's nose. It immediately starts to bleed._ _

__"Everything I want, I work for, you waltz in and take it from me. You're so fucking selfish. You knew I liked her, and you just had to take that away from me too. Fuck you, Hope Solo." It's almost comical how Ashlyn sputters through the blood dripping into her mouth._ _

__"Fuck, it was one time! How was I supposed to know you liked her? It didn't even mean anything...Fuck my jaw hurts." Hope gets to her feet. She massages her jaw, only to wince in pain. She cleverly decides not to dignify most of what Ashlyn says with an answer. Mostly because it was stupid. She's not sure how you can steal something that was never that person's thing to begin with._ _

__Melody sneers at Hope. "It didn't mean anything? Yeah, fuck you, Hope Solo." The forward stalks off without another look._ _

__Hope just watches her go with her jaw tensed._ _

__"What's going on here, you're supposed to be a family." Jill steps into the room, her arms crossed over her chest._ _

__"Haven't been a family in a while, Jill." Hope walks off, but not without a parting glance to Ashlyn, whom remains in her place on the ground._ _

__Melody stalks off in the opposite direction, a harried, confused Julie following her._ _

__Melody tries to wipe the tears from her face, but they keep coming and won't stop. Julie catches up to her, bringing her into a hug, "I hate her. I hate her so much."_ _

__"No you don't, honey."_ _

__"Then why do I wish i did?"_ _

__Julie doesn't answer, instead she pursed her lips and sighed heavily through her nose, continuing to hug the girl._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Before Hope can get too far, Dawn grabs her by the shoulder. Hope winces ever so slightly._ _

__"Nope. You're coming with me." She points to Ashlyn, then moves her finger in a come hither motion._ _

__"We're going to get you two checked out, then we're going to have a very long talk."_ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__"So, anybody want to explain to me what the hell happened out there?" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest. It was a general consensus among the staff that the players were more likely to talk to her than they were to talk to Jill._ _

__"Hope's cheating on her husband with a girl ten years her junior. A girl she knew I liked." Ashlyn stares straight at the ceiling. Her head tilted back to stop the barely subsiding bleeding of her nose._ _

__"Harris is jealous of literally everything I do. Every problem in her life is somehow equated back to me." Hope rests her chin on her palm, and her elbow resting on her thigh. Her other leg bounces with clear agitation._ _

__"Normally, I couldn't care less about who you sleep with in your free time, but when it starts to affect the good team, I draw the line."_ _

__"It's not affecting the team. Harris is just a brat." She's getting too old for this. This is all reading too much like elementary schoolers in timeout and she'll attribute that to the lack of competent leadership and not because she, as Melody would say, is acting like a child._ _

__Melody. Suddenly, she feels like she should be somewhere completely different._ _

__"Hope. Could you just listen to what Ashlyn has to say?"_ _

__"Why? You want me to sit here and listen to her whine about how she never gets playing time because I'm hogging it? Or how I stole her little crush away from her? She already said that." Hope rubbed her hands down her face._ _

__"You're so full of yourself and selfish. I have no idea what Melody saw in you." It's a bit muffled and labored when paired with the fact that Ashlyn can't breathe out of her nose without it hurting._ _

__"That makes two of us." Hope mumbled under her breath._ _

__"Sometimes I really wonder what it's like to be the great Hope Solo. It must be tough constantly getting things you don't deserve."_ _

__Dawn sighed. This clearly wasn't going to go the way she desired, no matter what she did._ _

__"What's it like to be Hope Solo? Is that what you want to know? Because it seems like you've got it. You think you already know what it's like to be Hope Solo. You think you know what it's like to be me, but you don't. Because if you did then you wouldn't be nearly as jealous as you are. It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's hard, and sometimes, it hurts. And you have things that you don't deserve only for them to slip through your fingers, then you get the things that you do deserve, and they stick around. So, no. You don't know what it's like to be me, and honestly, I hope you never have to, because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. " Ashlyn stays silent._ _

__Hope leaves without another word. Dawn doesn't bother trying to stop her._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Hope knocks softly on Melody's hotel room door. She leans her forehead against it. She's got an odd feeling Melody won't open it._ _

__"Mel, can we talk? I know I'm probably the last person you want to hold a conversation with, but please."_ _

__"I told you already. I can't keep doing this. Go away, Hope."_ _

__Hope chews on her lip. She pushes herself away from the door. Her phone vibrates in her joggers' pocket. She handles it deftly. Squinting at the notification._ _

__It's him. It's the first time he's contacted her since she left for camp. And yet, she felt like she could better when he hadn't._ _

__Maybe it's the fact that Melody is somewhere in that room behind her, or maybe it's the fact that she'll have more of an excuse to drown her sorrows in some extremely hard liquor afterwards._ _

__Whichever it is, it lights a fire under her ass to start making decisions, good ones, ones she should have started making years ago, ones that will hopefully help fix at least some things in her life._ _

__Google has never let her down, and it definitely won't start now. So, that's where she starts her journey. With the keywords: divorce and lawyer._ _


	5. Not too close, not too far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This social distancing has me absolutely fucking up my update schedule. Though, since this is the last prewritten chapter, they'll probably go back to once a week.

_We made a promise to one another. That nothing would ever break what we had. Now, we never talk when we fall apart ___

__It's been a long couple of week for Melody. It's stressful and a bit lonely. And none of that serves to help the fact that the Olympics are only days away._ _

__The team is a bit worse for wear in terms of actual teamwork at the moment and that can't be good._ _

__On top of that...she misses her. She misses someone she sees almost everyday. She tries to hide it. She tries desperately but several people see right through her. Alex, Kelley, and Julie. The latter of which, is the only one with the guts to say anything._ _

__"She's giving you the space you asked for."_ _

__Melody chuckles bitterly, "She chooses now to listen to me?"_ _

__"That's not fair and you know it, Melody. You can't tell her not to talk to you and then get mad when she does what you told her." Julie admonishes._ _

__They're sitting on Melody's bed, as they talk. The TV is on a 24 hour music channel for background noise. They leave it on at night for that very reason and because Melody may have a tiny fear of the dark._ _

__"I know that, but I miss her, and I shouldn't. She's an asshole, but I like it. Clearly I have a mental problem, right? Who enjoys having their heart ripped out of their chest repeatedly?" She flopped back into the pillows dramatically._ _

__Julie laughs lightly at her antics, "I don't think it's that you like having your heart ripped out of your chest, but instead you just really, really like Hope. That just seems to be a byproduct that neither of you can avoid for some reason." Julie furrowed her brows as she thought about why that could be. One day she's going to pull out the astrology charts she played with as a teenager and answer some serious questions about those two._ _

__How can someone develop such strong feelings for someone virtually over night and yet still have reservations about the relationship?_ _

__"Yeah..."_ _

__"Maybe you should talk to her."_ _

__"Because that worked the last three times. Whenever we talk it always ends one of two ways. We have sex or I walk away crying. There's no inbetween really. I highly doubt time will change that."_ _

__Julie hums, "Never know until you try."_ _

__Melody is quiet for a long moment before letting out a soft yawn, "Enough about my love life, or lack thereof. Lets talk about yours. How are you and Christen?"_ _

__Julie's face drowns in a deep red blush. She tries to hide her face behind Melody's shoulder but it doesn't help much._ _

__"I, uh, we're good. You know Christen. Kind of hard not to be good."_ _

__Melody nods, "How'd I get stuck with the mean one?" Julie hits her arm playfully, her smile slowly becomes a bit more apprehensive._ _

__"Sometimes I wonder if she still has feelings for Tobin."_ _

__Melody turns to face Julie with a serious look in her eyes, "JJ, there's absolutely no reason for you to think that. Christen looks at you like you're the reason why she breathes. Sure, they still talk but they're best friends. Besides, I don't think Tobin even remembers the rest of our names when she's near Alex. You've got nothing to worry about."_ _

__"Thanks. That does make me feel a bit better."_ _

__Melody nods. She won't admit that she's just a bit jealous, but she most definitely is. Why does this love thing have to be so damn difficult for her, and not anyone else? She must have murdered someone important in a past life._ _

__"So, who tops? I've been trying to figure that out since I heard about you two. If it's you, then that's just because Christen is too nice to say no to you." Melody says with a wisp of a smirk on her face. She can almost feel Julie start to combust and it serves well to take her mind off of her own misery._ _

__"Melody! Why do you need to know that?"_ _

__"I just told you. It's bothering me."_ _

__"Not that it's any of your business but we take turns." Julie answers while hiding her face in her hands._ _

__"Why are you so embarrassed? I would let you ask me." Melody whines._ _

__"I don't need to ask you."_ _

__"What's that supposed to mean?"_ _

__Julie uncovers her face and gives Melody a raised eyebrow, "Hope. The answer is Hope."_ _

__"That's not fair. You're saying that based off of stereotypes." Melody crosses her arms petulantly._ _

__"No. I'm saying that based off of the fact that I know Hope. There's no way in hell she'd let you top her. Also, the things you have told me scream 'bottom', Melody. You're not subtle."_ _

__Melody, for some reason, looks genuinely offended. Julie is right, but she doesn't need to know that, "Get into your own bed. I'm mad at you now."_ _

__"For what? Telling the truth?" Even though she's mad about it, Julie does get into her own bed, mainly because it's late and they should get to sleep anyway._ _

__"Yes!"_ _

__"Wow."_ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__"Come on, we're getting drunk." Hope says as she passes Kelley in the hallway. Kelley, who had been talking with Alex, claps excitedly as she hurries behind the goalkeeper._ _

__Kelley doesn't ask questions until they get to the safety of Hope's room._ _

__She assumes it's safe to pry for information, because Hope doesn't seem particularly mad. More confused if anything._ _

__She runs and jumps onto Carli's bed. Making sure to mess it up as thoroughly as she can just to annoy the older woman when she comes back to her room._ _

__"So, what's the special occasion?" Kelley asks as Hope hands her a cup of (she's assuming) tequila._ _

__"Do you really need one?" Hope asked with a lilt._ _

__"Considering it's barely 5PM? Yes, I do." Kelley does take a sip without the explanation, but it's just to show that she expects to get it eventually._ _

__It isn't until Hope is about a glass in that she starts to spill._ _

__"I think I had just had the quickest divorce in history."_ _

__Kelley sets her glass down, but doesn't say anything. Hope was like a rabbit in some ways. If you tried to approach she'd run off._ _

__"It was like he was waiting for it. I don't even think the printer ink on the papers was dry before he signed them." Hope stares into her glass before frowning and setting it down as well._ _

__"Isn't that a good thing? Quick and painless?" Kelley asked as she fell back onto the bed._ _

__"I don't know."_ _

__"Well, did you tell him you slept with your teammate and then punched another one in the face?" It's a joke, they both know it but Hope can't help her response._ _

__"Did you tell Carli you're in love with her yet?"_ _

__And just like always, Kelley takes it in stride and uses it to her advantage. Hope realizes she has to add another name to the 'People I Truly Do Not Deserve' list._ _

__"I could drop a cinderblock on her bare foot with the words 'I'm in love you' carved into it and she still wouldn't notice a goddamn thing." The words spit bitterly from Kelley's mouth and Hope feels that much worse for bringing it up._ _

__"I know you think she wouldn't care, but she would. You'd probably get a much better reaction than you think you would."_ _

__"It doesn't really matter at this point. I love her I'm not telling her because what's the point?"_ _

__"The point is you get who you want."_ _

__"Sounds like you need to take some of your own advice. You get it, I'll give you that. But there's nothing you can see that will make me change my mind. Just like there's nothing I could say that would make you change yours."_ _

__Hope mulls over the defender's words, "Five bucks says she falls asleep quicker than normal because she'll stuff her face into the pillow that you just rubbed yourself all over."_ _

__"You don't have a deal or anything but I would like to know if you're right." Kelley stretches as she stands. She heads for the door._ _

__"I'll see you later, Hopey. Thanks for the drinks."_ _

__"Don't call me that."_ _

__"Whatever you say, Hopey. Oh, hey, Carli." Hope can hear the surprise then subsequent deflation in Kelley's voice as she opens the door._ _

__Carli walks in a few beats later with a curious look on her face. If Hope was a gambler she'd even wager that the other woman might have looked even a bit dejected._ _

__Using her better judgment, Hope pointedly ignores it._ _

__Later she'll send a text to Kelley saying something along the lines of 'As soon as her head hit the pillow'._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Melody knew she wouldn't be able to avoid her for much longer. It wasn't really nice while it lasted either._ _

__She wonders which way this conversation will go today._ _

__"We have got to stop setting ourselves up like this?" Melody says as the elevator doors close behind her._ _

__"Like what?"_ _

__"Alone and in confined spaces."_ _

__Hope actually laughs at that, she supposed that did seem to get them into trouble frequently. "I don't think we can help it very much."_ _

__"And isn't that terrifying."_ _

__"I'm sorry. For how I acted at breakfast that day. It was childish."_ _

__Melody just shrugs, "Yeah. It was. I kind of overreacted too."_ _

__"No you didn't. You watched me lie right through my teeth in front of everyone. Can't imagine how embarrassing that must have been." Maybe she can, she felt embarrassed herself just saying it._ _

__The implications of Hope admitting she lied aren't lost on Melody. She still hasn't outright said she has feelings for the shorter woman, but maybe, just maybe, that means Hope is getting there, and at this point Melody thinks that's all she could ask for._ _

__It's a split second decision. Like many things she does. The button is bright and blinking so she presses it. Hope doesn't even blink as the elevator screeches to a halt._ _

__Melody moves so she's standing directly in front of Hope. She's not as close as she could be, but it's an elevator. It wouldn't take much more._ _

__"Do you mean it?"_ _

__"Mean what?"_ _

__"That you're sorry."_ _

__"Wholeheartedly."_ _

__Melody nods, "How long do you think it'll take before someone comes looking for us?"_ _

__"Like five minutes."_ _

__"You've got three." Hope lets herself be backed into the wall if only so Melody could feel like she was in charge._ _

__"Oh, I barely need two." Melody is backed into the opposite wall, with a soft groan._ _

__There's a quick unbuttoning of jeans and before Melody realizes it Hope's middle and index fingers are inside of her reaching spots she's sure only Hope has ever reached._ _

__How embarrassing is that?_ _

__Hope ends up being right. She only needed like one minute and fifty-five seconds, but Melody wanted to reserve at least some modesty for herself._ _

__After making themselves look presentable, Melody presses the stop elevator button again, and starts to laugh when it starts moving. Hope laughs with her._ _

__"There's something wrong with us." Melody exclaims and Hope doesn't deny it._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Pain In My Ass: Really, Hopey? The fucking elevator?!_ _

__Hopey: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about._ _


	6. You're a miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Sorry this chapter took so long. This was kind of hard to write because I don't remember any of 2016. And by I don't remember any of 2016 I mean I purposely blocked it out of my memory. The next chapter is already partially written though, so don't be surprised if there is another update within hours of this one.
> 
> The Pariah Playlist:
> 
> https://tinyurl.com/qmbsvdr

_"Transparent hands were at my neck. But I love the way you let me breathe instead." ___

__Something doesn't feel right. And for once, this feeling has next to nothing to do with her relationship with Hope._ _

__Something, outside of that, just feels off. Hope had felt it too. But there wasn't much they could do to fix it. Whatever it was._ _

__"How's your shoulder?" Melody really only asks because Hope grimaces a bit when Melody rolls on to it. Normally, she'd never bother her about it. Hope rarely ever admitted she was in pain._ _

__"Hasn't completely fallen off yet." Hope joked. Or at least Melody assumed it was a joke. Hope didn't laugh and neither did she._ _

__"Hope."_ _

__The goalkeeper rolled her eyes before absentmindedly stretching said shoulder underneath Melody's head._ _

__"I'll be fine. I've been fine." She sat up, Melody's head sliding back onto the pillow underneath her. Melody, for her part, sighed heavily._ _

__"You're doing it again."_ _

__Hope glances over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow._ _

__"Doing what again?" She scoots off the bed, just as Melody begins to sit up too. Her shirt is strewn haphazardly across the televison. She rolls her eyes before putting it back on. She forgoes underwear and heads straight for her sweatpants simply because she doesn't feel like looking for it._ _

__Melody uses the duvet to cover herself, suddenly feeling self conscious, "That thing where you shut me out because you're really bad at feelings."_ _

__Hope laughs genuinely, "I guess I am."_ _

__"Really? That's it? You're just going to agree with me, then leave?"_ _

__Hope looks at Melody with a pensive frown, any previous humor long gone._ _

__"It's all I can give you." There's a longing look that crosses Hope's features._ _

__Melody shook her head. She refused to believe that was true. Hope might be an idiot, but she wasn't stupid. She wasn't incapable of telling the truth. For some reason she just couldn't do it with Melody._ _

__The forward breifly wonders if there's something poetic in that. She comes to the conclusion that it's just sad._ _

__"You can go. I can tell how much you're dying to get out of here."_ _

__Hope sighed, "Mel-"_ _

__"You're suffocating yourself, Hope. And I don't know why. I lo-like you. You know that. There's no reason for this to be as hard as it is. But you keep making it. One step forward and ten steps back."_ _

__Hope looks like she's aching to say something. Urging to let it all go. Her face has become even more pensive and mouth opens to spill all her dirty secrets but nothing comes out._ _

__Melody's face would have shown her disappointment, if she hadn't been expecting this. Nothing was going to magically change. That's obviously not how this works._ _

__She's been hoping and praying this entire time. And there's been nothing. Not even a smidge of hope for her._ _

__In all honesty, she's surprised Hope is still in the room. Staring at her like she's sorry and just all around miserable._ _

__Hope thinks that Melody wants grand gestures and romantic, sappy speeches, but all she really wants is a chance._ _

__She wants a chance. To prove to Hope how wrong she is about whatever it is that Hope firmly believes she's right about._ _

__Melody just wants Hope._ _

__And however she can get her at this point. Flawed and bruised and battered and worn and used and unkempt. She just wants Hope._ _

__And while Hope continues to stare at her like she hung the moon but took away all of her stars, Melody reflects._ _

__She reflects on what it is about this one. This particular person that makes her feel like her chest is burning and her head is underwater. She could have anyone, but there's something making that possibility a bit incomprehensible._ _

__It must be the confidence. It must be the protectiveness. It must be the determination. It must be the courageousness and the perseverance and the authority. It must be anything and everything that makes Hope...Hope. And that's why at this moment it can't be anybody but her._ _

__Hope Solo has ruined her for anyone else and she doesn't even know it._ _

__"I'm sorry." Hope shrugs and shakes her head. There's so much for her to say, but she doesn't know how to even begin. So, that's what she goes with. Because she is. She's sorry she can't give Melody what she wants._ _

__And they both know it's just going to fester and boil up inside of Hope until it explodes into something unrecognizable._ _

__But they'll cross that bridge when they get to it._ _

__And with that, Hope trudges out of the door._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__They see each other often and they speak when they do. Sometimes it's out of obligation and other times it's because they miss each other._ _

__Melody doesn't let it go farther than that. She's been trying to have at least some semblance of respect for herself. Julie has to help her enforce her own rules sometimes._ _

__That last week is when things get really odd._ _

__It starts with Sweden. Apparently, there is only way to make sure the best team in the world doesn't win. And that's to ensure they don't score. And you do that by only playing defense._ _

__In the middle there's some penalty kicks. And those are always finicky. To Melody, it might not even be farfetched to say it's not even real soccer._ _

__And from her place on the bench, Melody can almost see the begginings of a meltdown from there. If Hope was a volcano, what Melody is witnessing would be the little tiny earthquakes or the steam that escapes just before an eruption. She knows Hope like the back of her hand, and both of them sort of hate that._ _

__Of course, Melody is the only one worried. No one else can tell. Hope's just sitting on the pitch. Fiddling with her gloves. Her leg shaking idly._ _

__Melody's the only one who sees that Hope's in pain._ _

__It ends with a single word._ _

__A word filled with so much hypocrisy and irony that it takes Melody aback._ _

___Cowards. ____ _

____And that was only the first wave. Shit doesn't even really hit the fan until an entire week later._ _ _ _

____Melody has never seen anything so beautifully tragic play out right in front of her. And she can't look away. It's like watching a car crash._ _ _ _


	7. Maybe if you cared enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. These next couple of chapters...y'all bout to be real mad at me, but it must be read.

_"Well, I care. I know you don't care too much. But I still care." ___

__Melody somehow finds herself in Seattle, Washington after a series of wierd events that she doesn't really remember._ _

__Only a couple people question it. Mainly Julie and surprisingly Pinoe, but that probably had to do with the fact that they were on the same flight._ _

__She says something different to just about everyone. Julie sees right through her, but it works for everyone else. Or at least, Alex and Kelley aren't bold enough to voice any discrepancies out loud, and Ashlyn just pretends she doesn't know anything at all._ _

__The only person she doesn't lie to is Hope. And that's because she doesn't think the taller woman would have let her in the door if she had._ _

__Hope, to her credit, doesn't look anymore worse for wear than the last time they saw each other. She doesn't look like she's been crying, she doesn't look like she's been going crazy, she doesn't look like she's been doing much of anything really._ _

__And even though Melody knows she's not going to get a straight answer, she asks anyway, "How are you?"_ _

__Hope looks at her like she's stupid._ _

__"How the hell do you think I'm doing?" Hope doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. And probably not for the reason Melody thinks._ _

__Melody jumps as something wet and cold prods at her hand. She looks down and relaxes when she realizes it's just a curious doberman nose._ _

__Hope smiles softly, "Onyx likes you. I'm surprised you didn't scream and bolt. That's what everyone else does."_ _

__"Yeah, well I'm sure if she was going to eat me. She would have as soon as you opened the door." Melody shrugged as she scratched the top of the dog's head lightly._ _

__"That's probably true." Hope chuckles at the look on Melody's face, "I'm kidding. My babies are harmless."_ _

__Melody rolled her eyes playfully._ _

__Hope walks further into the house and Melody follows her. The silence that has since ensued starting to weigh on her._ _

__"I'm sorry. About the team and stuff."_ _

__"You can say it. You're sorry I got fired." Hope shrugs, her hands stuff in her jeans pockets._ _

__"Yeah, that."_ _

__"You shouldn't be. I'm not. Got over it pretty quickly actually."_ _

__Melody frowned, "How? You didn't deserve that."_ _

__"That's debatable but, you learn to pick your battles. And that wasn't one of them. I've apologized to who I needed to and now I'm fine. More bored than anything. Should probably get my shoulder checked out like you suggested." Her words sound like afterthoughts. Like Melody unlocked a stream of consciousness._ _

__"Then what about me? You could have called and said you were okay. I wouldn't have come."_ _

__Hope gives her a look, "You probably would have, besides, I didn't think you'd care. No one else has bothered to contact me except for Carli."_ _

__"First of all, Fuck you. Second, have you met me? Do you listen when I speak to you? Of course I care. That's like all I do!" Melody raises her hands in the air dramatically and her voice gets higher as she talks._ _

__Hope winces, not from the pitch, but from the implications of what Melody just said._ _

__"Yeah, me too." Hope mumbles sadly. Melody doesn't hear it, but she can see it on Hope's face. The resonance._ _

__So, she takes the plunge. The one she's probably going to drown in. Or at least wallow in during her flight back to Malibu._ _

__This time things feel a bit more final. Maybe because they'll finally be able to walk away and not have to see each other a few hours later._ _

__It's a last ditch effort. Melody decides that. She's only asking one thing, and if Hope can't give it to her, then she's just going to have to learn how to get over it. Like Hope did._ _

__She takes a deep breath._ _

__"How do you feel about me?"_ _

__Melody has never seen Hope look so shaken, so caught off gaurd. She'd be lying if she said that didn't feel kind of good._ _

__"I-" Hope paused. Melody can practically see the lump form in Hope's throat. Thirty seconds pass and she doesn't say anything._ _

__Melody almost stomps her feet like a three year old throwing a tantrum._ _

__"Why can't you be as honest about your feelings toward me as you are about your feelings toward the game?" She's not going to cry. She's felt this before. Her heart shattering into a million pieces. She's an old pro._ _

__"It's different." Hope shakes her head vehemently. She stares down at her bare feet poking out from the holes of skinny jeans._ _

__"How? How could it possibly be different, Hope?" Melody's tired. Tired of this. Tired of everything. If she's not balling her eyes out on this flight home, she'll most definitely be passed out._ _

__"I'm not scared of losing the game." Hope finally looks up at her from her place on her couch. Melody standing over looking just as volatile._ _

__"I love you, Hope Solo. I think you could kill a man, and I'd still love you, but I don't think I like you very much right now."_ _

__"You don't get it, do you?" Hope looks mad now. And that's fine. That's better actually. Melody can deal with a pissed off Hope Solo. She can argue back. She, however, cannot deal with a heartbroken Hope Solo, and that's what she was getting about two minutes beforehand._ _

__"Get what, Hope?"_ _

__"I'm an asshole. I only do things that get me what I want. I do things to save my own ass, not because I love doing them. I did you because I want you. I punched Ashlyn because I quite literally cannot stand her. I called my friend's team a bunch of cowards because I'm a sore loser. And my shoulder hurts, my shoulder hurts so bad. I love you, more than I have loved anything in the entire world, but I'm bad for you Melody. I'm a bad person, who wants what she can't have. Or maybe shouldn't is a better word, so she's going to throw a tantrum eventually. Is that it? Is that what you wanted to hear?"_ _

__Melody doesn't say anything immediately. It was what she wanted to hear almost exactly. Keyword: almost._ _

__"You need so much therapy. Like, a really large amount of therapy."_ _

__Hope deflates back into the couch. Melody is probably right. She often is._ _

__"I'm not sure what you want me to say, Hope. I just wanted you to say I had a chance. And we were so damn close. Then you had to throw in all that extra, irrelevant stuff."_ _

__"I don't think it's irrelevant."_ _

__"And that's why you need that hefty amount of therapy. And for the love of God, get your fucking shoulder fixed."_ _

__Hope just clenches her jaw._ _

__Melody sighed heavily, "I'll see you around, Hope. Call me when you get over all that stuff that I've made it clear I don't care about." Melody pivoted toward the front door._ _

__When Hope speaks again Melody can't even see her anymore, let alone hear her that well._ _

__"Text me when you land."_ _

__Hope must hate her. A simple request, implying simple things, and just like that Melody is putty slipping through Hope's fingers._ _

__Melody doesn't say anything, just slips through the door quietly, making sure Onyx, who's been following her dutifully, can't escape._ _

__But sure enough, around three hours later._ _

__Mel: I'm home._ _

__And that's the last time they speak for at least two months._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: a semi significant time jump.


	8. What was all of it for

_Don't wanna know what kind of dress you're wearing tonight. If he's giving it to you just right. The way I did before. ___

__There wasn't really much for Hope to do inbetween therapy sessions. It's the first time in a long time that she's been truly bored._ _

__Social media becomes a companion in a sense. Not that she didn't have anyone to talk to. There was Carli, and her lawyer, and her family, and Melody if she called at the right time of day and prayed a little._ _

__But social media did make the time inbetween conversations somewhat bearable._ _

__Today's platform of choice is Instagram. The easiest to navigate in terms of use, and the least toxic if you don't count the unrealistic beauty standards being shoved in your face._ _

__Most of her feed is a whole lot of nothing. The real fun is on the explore page._ _

__She's impulsive. She knows that, so she's not surprised in the least bit when her thumb hovers over the first pic of Melody that she sees._ _

__She's even less surprised when her thumb clicks on it._ _

__Hope, however, was surprised by the whole other person with Melody that she had completely missed._ _

__It is fair to say Hope might be a bit blinded by the forward._ _

__It's Ashlyn, and that would be all fine and dandy if Ashlyn wasn't kissing Melody's forehead lovingly. And that wasn't even the worst of it all (and best believe that was pretty bad). The worst part is Ashlyn's stupid caption._ _

__I think she's got a thing for goalkeepers_ _

__Hope has never seen anything more petty in her entire life. She'll give Melody the benefit of the doubt. The assholery was probably all Ashlyn._ _

__Hope, of course, can't really be that upset anyway. Melody gave Hope her terms and Hope is trying her best to abide by them. She's going to therapy, going to get her shoulder looked at (eventually), she's fixing things. But in the meantime she can't expect Melody to wait for her. In a perfect world, she's sure Melody would wait, but Hope came to terms with the fact that the world wasn't perfect like 20 years ago._ _

__No she's not upset persay, more annoyed, mad, any other word really. She's annoyed and mad that it had to be Ashlyn. Melody literally could have chosen anyone else in the entire world._ _

__She made a mental note to definitely fight Ashlyn the next time she saw her._ _

__Hope sighed. She decided to like the post, in hopes of catching Ashlyn off gaurd. She absolutely does not need to know that her plan to get under Hope's skin worked almost perfectly._ _

__In the end, it is decided that's enough Instagram for the day. Instead, she decides to call Kelley. She hadn't talked to her since Rio, and Hope hates to admit it but she does miss venting to her._ _

__Out of everyone on the team, other than Melody and Carli. Kelley always seemed to just get it. Seemed to get Hope. And that was all she could ask for at this point._ _

__The phone barely rang before Kelley answered, "Jill said we're not supposed to talk to you."_ _

__"So you answered on the first ring?" Hope raised an eyebrow that Kelley couldn't see._ _

__"Yeah, Jill can suck my ass."_ _

__"I'm sure she'd have a line."_ _

__Kelley chuckled, "A long one. Anyway, what's up?"_ _

__"I don't know. Felt like I had things to tell you." Hope's shoulders slumped, she winced._ _

__"Tell away then. I'm not doing anything." There's a sadness in Kelley's voice that Hope planned to address another day._ _

__Just like Kelley had to be careful with Hope, Hope had to be careful with Kelley._ _

__"I'm moving."_ _

__"Where?! Why?! You love Seattle." Kelley sat up in her bed. Her comforter bunching up on her lap._ _

__"I don't think it loves me back. I just gotta get out of here. Too many memories, you know. Jeremy's here. My sister. Other people aren't here. People knock on my front door and shout things they know nothing about at me on the street. Kind of been planning this for awhile. My therapist thinks it would be good for me too." Hope explained. She rubbed a hand to her forehead, attempting to stave off a headache._ _

__"That makes sense I guess. Where are you going to go?"_ _

__"North Carolina. Want to build a house. Start over, y'know?"_ _

__"Yeah. I do. North Carolina is kind of convenient, don't you think?"_ _

__"What are you trying to get me to admit to?" Hope pursed her lips. She knew what Kelley was alluding to, but she likes to mess with her._ _

__"A certain someone mentioned she had moved there just before we went to Rio. I think her name starts with 'M' and ends with 'elody Bordeaux."_ _

__"Would you believe me if I said it was a pure coincidence?"_ _

__"Actually, I would. No offense, but you don't think like that. But, I'm glad you're finally doing stuff for you and not for anyone else." Kelley praised with a light smile._ _

__Hope sighed heavily, "Yeah..."_ _

__"Why do you sound sad all of a sudden?"_ _

__"It's nothing."_ _

__Kelley thought for a second, then grimaced, "You saw it didn't you?"_ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__"You weren't supposed to find out about that." Kelley said slowly with a deep wince._ _

__"When did that even happen?"_ _

__"Like two weeks ago officially I think. No one was really on board with it. JJ threw a fit and didn't speak to Melody for two days and, surprisingly, Ali hasn't spoken to anyone in days."_ _

__"Why did it have to be Ashlyn?" Hope spoke mostly to herself. Kelley still heard it and pouted. She felt bad for her friend. She personally thought none of this was a good look, and her and Alex had planned several times to break them up, but it was a bit hard when you're all in different states._ _

__"I don't know. Everyone else is wondering the same thing. If it makes you feel better, I give it about a month tops. Ashlyn doesn't really seem like Mel's type, well other than gk."_ _

__"It doesn't make me feel any better." Hope laughed dryly._ _

__"Yeah sorry. But don't focus on that. Just keep focusing on you. Get to NC. Get your shoulder fixed. And then recover very quickly so you can come back to us. You've got more records to break."_ _

__Hope smiled genuinely, "I'd just be breaking my own at this point."_ _

__"Bitches go to therapy and get a sense of humor."_ _

__"If you don't laugh you cry, and crying makes my head hurt." Hope shrugged and winced again. Yeah, she'll get this fucking shoulder fixed as soon as she gets to NC._ _

__"That's one way to look at it. Okay, my alarm is going off for my second nap of the day. I'll talk to you later so I can confirm my flight to NC that you're paying for." Kelley flopped onto her side, pulling her comforter over her head._ _

__"Why am I paying for it? I'm the unemployed one."_ _

__"Yeah, but I hear Nike pays that good money. Also, you just told me you're building a whole house."_ _

__"I didn't say how big it would be. I could have been talking about a shack for all you know." Hope smirked._ _

__"Would you fit in a shack?" Kelley teased. She's dozing off. She was serious about that second nap._ _

__"Fuck you. I'll talk to you later. We'll make Carli pay for your ticket." Hope slipped in._ _

__"Sounds like a plan. Bye, Hopey."_ _

__Hope rolled her eyes, "Bye, Kel."_ _


	9. If you dare, come a little closer

_"It's not much of a life you're living. It's not just something you take, it's given." ___

__Orlando is hot and muggy and gross and just like Malibu and just like North Carolina, but somehow worse and unbearable._ _

__Melody prided herself on having her priorities straight and knowing exactly what she wanted, but lately, she's seemed to have lost her composure._ _

__And she won't say it's because of Hope, because that would definitely be like letting her win and Melody wasn't a loser._ _

__But it is most definitely because of Hope._ _

__It's been, what, two months since they spoke in person._ _

__Hope was dealing with her own shit and Melody had moved....on?_ _

__Melody is sure it might look like that to someone else. She's sure if anyone knew what she was thinking it would look even worse, but nobody got it. No one would understand._ _

__Well, one person probably would, but she can't just say any of that to her._ _

__Julie asked her if she was happy. She said if Melody was happy then she would be too. Melody couldn't answer her._ _

__"What are you thinking so hard about?" Ashlyn asked with a curious lift of her eyebrow. Melody smiled reassuringly, cuddling closer into her chest._ _

__It's then that it becomes obvious to Melody that she can't be happy without her. She can't pretend. She can't fool. She can't act. And a realization has never been so utterly painful and gutwrenching._ _

__She's sitting here. On a woman's lap, cuddled into her like she loves her, thinking about another one. Miles away. Another one miles away, probably not even thinking about her in return._ _

__Melody might be a little bit pathetic because of that._ _

__She can't pretend like she doesn't love Hope Solo with every single fiber and molecule of her being. She can't fool anyone into thinking that she doesn't think about Hope Solo the moment she wakes up and the second she goes to sleep. She can't act like she doesn't dream of what it would be like for Hope Fucking Solo to hold her and never let her go even when life tries to rip them apart every chance it gets._ _

__But she tries. She tries, if not for her own sake, at least for Ashlyn's. Because she doesn't deserve this. Doesn't deserve a woman who doesn't love her and is willing to fake it for her own self preservation._ _

__"Nothing."_ _

__And Ashlyn takes her at her word. A massive mistake on her part._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__"So, do you think you want to stay and play here?"_ _

__Melody's eyebrows furrow like she's just been given a particularly hard puzzle to solve._ _

__The question is out of nowhere in the sense that Melody had not been listening at all during the build up to it._ _

__"Not really." She answered without even really thinking about how it would look to be that sure of herself._ _

__She didn't want to live in Orlando or play in Orlando. Disneyworld had been fun the first six times, but the seventh was draining and the eighth was downright intolerable._ _

__She wanted to be in North Carolina. She wanted to live and grow and play if the opportunity ever presented itself in North Carolina. She didn't move there months prior just for shits and giggles._ _

__She did it to build her life. And maybe she was settling down too early for a professional soccer player. But it felt right._ _

__And she rarely does things that feel right nowadays. So, she'll take what she can get._ _

__"Why not? I'm here." Ashlyn glowered, and munched on a sweet potato fry dejectedly._ _

__Melody let her eyes wander in thought. They were in some small bistro that Ashlyn swore by near the goalkeeper's house._ _

__"I know how geography works, Ash." It's not really malicious but it isn't exactly friendly either._ _

__Melody continued to glance around the building. She feels like she's being watched. Like someone's spying on her. She doesn't catch the culprit on her first scan, but they were clearly too confident in their ability for stealth._ _

__Alex set down her magazine to get a better look and Melody was looking right at her._ _

__She should be mad. But Alex's dumb idea had turned into a great excuse for Melody to squeeze her way out of this conversation._ _

__"Oh, hey, Alex! Small world. Wanna come have lunch with us?" Alex definitely wants to decline and runaway but Melody glares and all of that changes._ _

__Alex sat down next to Melody with a half smile half grimace. Ashyln seemed like she wanted Alex to leave just as much as Alex wanted to leave herself._ _

__"I can't stay for very long I have to call Kelley and make sure-"_ _

__"Kelley will be fine."_ _

__"Okay."_ _

__"So, Alex. What're you doing here?"_ _

__Alex doesn't answer right away and Melody will let her take all the time she needs._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__Alex looped her arm with Melody's and pulled her back slightly. Ashlyn continued to walk ahead of them without notice._ _

__"What are you doing?" Alex whispered hastily._ _

__Melody scowled, "What do you mean?" She knew what she meant._ _

__"Why are you with Ashlyn?"_ _

__"Because I want to be."_ _

__"You looked like you wanted to puke while you said that." Alex pointed out simply. She glanced forward at Ashlyn to make sure she was still out of earshot._ _

__"Fine. You win. But that's as much as you're getting out of me."_ _

__Unfortunately, Alex Morgan was not one to back down easily._ _

__"What about-"_ _

__"Hope? What about her? She's in North Carolina, having shoulder surgery in a couple of days. She's living her life. Fixing things." Melody shook her head and shrugged._ _

__"So then why are you here? If Hope's in NC, why are you in Orlando?" Alex's face showed genuine concern and confusion._ _

__"It's safe here. I don't want-I don't know if I can trust her. Trust us. We've tried and every time we do it ends. Quickly." Melody turned her head away from Alex._ _

__"Yeah, well I think some things have changed and have changed the both of you with them."_ _

__Melody only shrugged, her teeth bit down lightly on the inside if her cheek._ _

__"You're killing yourself, Melody."_ _

__And yeah, maybe she is, but she'll take those odds over getting her heart broken anyday._ _


	10. You know it will always just be me

_"I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck, than any girl you'll ever meet. Sweetie you had me." ___

__Hope stretched her newly repaired shoulder with a wince. She had joked about her arm falling off, but after a very long consultation with a very good doctor, it had been brought to her attention just how close it actually was to doing just that._ _

__And maybe that's why she had been so reluctant to get it looked at. In fear of being told just that. In fear of having another obstacle to jump over in getting back to her job. A possibility she wasn't even sure of anymore._ _

__She frowned at the tentative knock on her front door. If it was a stranger, she was going to cry. The whole point of this was for that to stop happening. And Kelley wasn't due for her visit for another three weeks._ _

__She ultimately abandoned the building idea, turns out she's quite impatient and building completely new houses takes awhile._ _

__Instead, she just bought the first one that seemed suitable. An impulsive decision, but hell, she's known for those. Why not continue the tradition? Her therapist would hate that._ _

__She opened the door with a slight furrow of her eyebrows, that deepened in her recognition._ _

__"What are you doing here?"_ _

__Melody shrugged, "Wanted to make sure you were okay, 'cause your shoulder. Was in the area."_ _

__There's no way in hell that could be true. Melody lived at least an hour and half away, but Hope didn't voice any discrepancies. She only stepped to the side and closed the door behind Melody after she entered._ _

__Melody looked around the house silently, following Hope wherever she allowed her to go._ _

__They eventually find themselves in the kitchen. Melody uncharacteristically staring at the linoleum floor, her arms wrapped around herself as though to keep steady._ _

__"It's, uh, it's nice. The house." Melody makes sure to avoid any and all eye contact she can._ _

__She's sure she'd lose any composure she might still have if she caught the roiling blue of Hope's eyes. She's a different person when she's looking at Hope. Not in a bad way. Just in all the ways._ _

__That's the weird paradox of being in love with someone you refuse to touch out of principle and rules that you, yourself, made up out of irrational fear._ _

__"I thought so." Hope was more curious about this turn of events than anything. She wasn't mad. She wasn't upset. Just curious._ _

__She'd be crazy not to realize the effect she had on Melody. The effect they had on each other._ _

__It was like putting two magnets next to each other and expecting them not to gravitate and cling together like their lives depended on it._ _

__In the end, these were the facts: Melody loves Hope, and Hope loves Melody, but neither of them seemed to really understand what any of that meant for the other. And talking about it looked to be out of the question. At least for now._ _

__And of course, Hope knew what she wanted it to mean. But it's hard to communicate that when your person is dating someone else._ _

__"Wanted something I could settle down in for a really long time."_ _

__There's a meaning behind Hope's words that isn't lost on Melody. It's the jolt that finally tricks Melody into looking Hope in the eyes._ _

__And she sees it. The raw passion that often left her knees quaking and her chest heaving. The love that she was still getting used to. And the intention, the pure intention, in Hope's eyes to completely and totally unravel Melody like it was the singular thing she was put on this very earth to do._ _

__All it takes is a single, small quirk of the corner of Hope's mouth, and Melody knows, this time will be just like the rest._ _

__But._ _

__It would be just like all the rest in the sense that they would end up exerting that ever bleeding fervor, but there was something else. Something deeper. Something that will not be analyzed today._ _

__For Melody, there's just something about being in such close proximity to Hope that just makes her want to drop her panties constantly. So, maybe she will, and Hope will probably kick them away so she can't get them back._ _

__And there they are, standing in Hope's kitchen staring at each other._ _

__It was only about five more seconds before they crashed their lips together._ _

__Melody pulls herself up on the cool marble counter. Her jeans somehow already pooling around her ankles._ _

__"Don't you have a girlfriend? A girlfriend who bruised my fucking jaw the last time she found out we did this." Melody attempted to hold back her whine as Hope broke their kiss._ _

__"Yeah, well, you broke her nose."_ _

__"She deserved it." Melody's fist gripped the edge of the counter as Hope's hands ran teasingly along her thighs._ _

__"Besides, a few of those times you were definitely married."_ _

__"Ah, so we're both horrible people." Hope begins to take off her own clothing with a smirk and quirk of her eyebrow._ _

__"What about your shoulder?" Melody eyed it with concern._ _

__"Fuck it." Hope shrugged dramatically, hoping Melody hadn't noticed that she could only do it with one arm._ _

__"Hope." Melody admonished lightly._ _

__"I'm going to fuck you on this counter no matter what. Your girlfriend could walk through that door with a camera and I'd scoot to the side so she had a better view. The only thing that would stop me is if you say no. Are you saying no?" Melody rolled her eyes and shook her head._ _

__"I'm not, but you don't have to be an ass about it."_ _

__"Don't I?" Melody glared, but it lacked the usual menace._ _

__The corner of Hope's mouth quirked upwards again as she leaned in to nip at Melody's neck._ _

__Melody slung a finger through one of Hope's belt loops on the pants she was definitely still wearing on purpose. She pulled the taller woman closer. Her hands then traveled to the buckle of her pants, deftly undoing the clasp._ _

__Never one for much foreplay, Hope's hands ventured to the hem of Melody's underwear, yanking them down to join the pile collecting at their feet._ _

__Melody gasped lightly at the feeling of Hope's fingertips trailing over her center. They teased and tantalized, until they entered and Melody let out a moan in appreciation._ _

__"I have a question." Hope mused, her index and middle finger never losing their stride._ _

__Oh no, Melody thought._ _

__"Does she fuck you like I do?"_ _

__"Hope..." Hope just chuckled, that was answer enough._ _

__Melody not liking the fact that Hope is definitely winning this very fucked up game they're playing, bites back a moan._ _

__"No. She's nice and gentle." Melody desperately tried to keep her shuttering to a minimum._ _

__"Who's going to tell her that doesn't get you off." Unfortunately, Hope's point is proven like literally a second later._ _

__"Hate you so mu-fuck!" Melody's hands gripped onto Hope's waist tightly as she moaned gutterly._ _

__"No you don't."_ _

__"Asshole."_ _

__"You love it."_ _

__"You talk literally so much, and the worst part about it is if I told someone, they wouldn't believe me." Melody bit her lip to keep from exposing herself any further._ _

__Hope just smiled proudly, punctuating her pride with a especially hard thrust of her fingers._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__"Why are you really here?" Hope sat on her couch, her arms resting on her, once again clothed, thighs. Both of their positions reminiscent of the last time they were in the same room back in Seattle._ _

__Melody was silent for a moment. Then shook her head. What was the point of lying anymore? It was very obvious Hope knew all of her ins and outs like a map she drew herself._ _

__"I missed you."_ _

__"You don't have to." Hope eyed the woman with a mild frown. It was true. Melody didn't have to miss her. She didn't have to visit. Because Hope's got open arms and a California king bed._ _

__"I-"_ _

__"You know how I feel about you. You don't have to miss me."_ _

__Melody just pursed her lips and silently shook her head._ _

__Hope swallowed harshly before speaking again, "Sorry for being an asshole earlier. I'm a sore loser."_ _

__The forward's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you think you lost, Hope?"_ _

__"You."_ _

__Melody's eyes dropped to the floor._ _

__"Oh."_ _

__And maybe that changes things._ _


	11. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger

_"Baby, you were my picket fence. I miss missing you now and then." ___

__"Leave her. Stay here." Hope doesn't look at her when she speaks. She doesn't even really open her mouth to do it. She instead mumbled it into Melody's chest which she had been laying her head on._ _

__They were in Hope's bed. For maybe the third time within the month. All morals having been sufficiently depleted. At least to the point where Melody regretted her encounters with Hope only half of the time._ _

__She was essentially living a double life. Here in North Carolina with Hope one weekend, then back in Orlando with Ashlyn the next._ _

__Melody is fine with knowing she's a horrible person._ _

__She's stringing the women along with her like marionettes. Only, she can't control either of them. Nor herself._ _

__Ashlyn deserved someone that was pointedly not Melody. She deserved someone that could look her in the eye without wanting to burst into guilt ridden tears. She deserved someone that loved her._ _

__Melody knew that, and yet._ _

__Melody knew that, and yet she was still trying to have the best of both worlds. The doting girlfriend on one hand and the intense love and passion on the other._ _

__And that is not to say she doesn't think Hope could give her both of those things, it's to say she's terrified to let her._ _

__So, she settles. She settles for safe and easy and loveless. There's no other way to spare hearts._ _

__"Hope. You know I can't." Melody stared blankly at the ceiling as she spoke. The emotion and conviction lacking heavily. There was no real need for Melody to ever make eye contact with anyone ever again really._ _

__"Why not?" She can practically feel Hope's eyebrows knit together. Though, any feeling of Hope against her fades with the words that leave her mouth. And she can feel her heart being pulled apart peice by peice just that much more._ _

__And maybe she didn't think this through. She didn't plan for this turn of events. Her calculations could have never predicted this. Which, maybe was a mistake on her part because it seemed obvious now._ _

__No matter what, someone was going to get hurt. And more often than not it seemed to be her who got most of that pain._ _

__But it all seems a little too late for that revelation._ _

__"Because, It's not fair to Ashlyn. I can't just leave her just because you're finally ready to act like an adult again." It comes out way harsher then she intended and isn't even what she meant to say. But Hope takes it at face value, like she does most things._ _

__She's sitting on the edge of the bed. Her back facing Melody. It's not the first time that Melody notices the almost raw power that Hope exudes. It is the first time she actually gets to see the gnarly, still hot pink scar placed upon the tan skin of Hope's shoulder. It's the wrong time to reach out and trace it, so she doesn't._ _

__Melody is getting deja vu._ _

__"Yeah. You're right. Maybe it's best if you leave."_ _

__Melody is getting deja vu because she's been here before, but the roles have reversed. That trivial emotional constipation has plagued her. Melody is the bad guy now._ _

__"Hope." It's essentially a waste of precious breath, because before Melody even finished the word, Hope is already shaking her head._ _

__"Just go, Melody."_ _

__And Melody does, she doesn't even hesitate. Against worst judgment. Because she's been weak so far. Maybe it's time to be a bit headstrong. Time to have at least one moral, a stepping stone to gain all the others back. A moral that she'll use to fix this mess._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__The drive back to her own house is lonely and long._ _

__But it gives her time to think. About what she wants. What she needs._ _

__She thinks about how to be selfless and selfish in all the right places._ _

__She comes to conclusions about realities that she doesn't really like, and don't make her feel at all safe. But they're right, and she knows that without any uncertainty._ _

__She thinks about Hope and Ashlyn differently. She thinks about them with all of the above context._ _

__She thinks about the things and the people around them._ _

__She thinks she's done thinking. All there is left is to do. There's several bandaids that need to be ripped off._ _

__Her couch isn't nearly as inviting or homey as Hope's. A realization she would have never admitted just three hours ago. However, it serves it's purpose._ _

__She grabs her phone and makes a call._ _

__"Hello?" The voice crackled on the other end._ _

__"I'm sorry."_ _

__"For what?"_ _

__"I think I've been keeping your crush hostage."_ _

__"...How'd you know?"_ _

__"You weren't exactly subtle, Ali. I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid." Melody scoffed albeit playfully. She had noticed the lingering looks, the longing, the yearning, it was fairly easy to recognize considering that's how she's sure she looks at Hope._ _

__"I'm so sorry, Melody. I don't want to come between you two. I should have kept myself in check better."_ _

__"Don't apologize. I shouldn't have- I should have done a lot of things differently." Melody said softly. Ali probably didn't really know what any of that meant, and Melody was fine with not offering any further elaboration._ _

__"Um, yeah. Um, that's all I wanted to say. Goodbye." Melody ended the call quickly and placed her phone down on the coffee table._ _

__She ran her hands along her face harshly._ _

__There were other things to fix. More loose ends to tie up. More sacrifices to make._ _

__And she would happily do them, because what is perseverance, if not sacrifice? What was any passionate emotion without sacrifice?_ _

__Her phone chimed with a text message._ _

__Ash: You coming down this week?_ _

__What was love without sacrifice?_ _


	12. I know I only want to talk to you

_"The only thing I'm really sure of. I'm unsure of almost everything. But, I know." ___

__Ashlyn shuffled in through her front door like she normally does after practice. Loudly and tiredly._ _

__Melody eyed her from her place on the white leather chair clear across the room. She's probably not doing a good job of hiding the fear on her face, or the guilt, or the everything else she's feeling. Her legs are crossed in front of her and her hands are folded in her lap. She probably looks like someone's therapist._ _

__There's some irony in that somewhere._ _

__Ashlyn turned around after placing her car keys on their hook and kicking her shoes off. She stopped in her tracks._ _

__"What's going on?" She doesn't sound surprised. And she shouldn't be. She knew Melody would be over at some point in the day. No, not surprised. Ashlyn looks skeptical, hesitant._ _

__"Can we talk?" It's soft as it leaves Melody's lips. Her fingers bend and twist restlessly in her lap._ _

__"Not if you're going to break up with me." Ashlyn's eyes narrowed. She could see the apprehension in Melody's eyes. The tension running through her limbs. She knew what that normally meant._ _

__"...Ashlyn." Melody's legs propelled her into standing. Her limbs hanging limply at her sides. What was she supposed to say to that?_ _

__"No, I love you, Melody. And I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you I do." Melody isn't sure how true that is. Surely, she'd get tired of trying to prove herself eventually. But, that was beside the point._ _

__"Ash. I believe you, but it's not that. I just-" Melody abruptly ends her sentence with a sad shake of her head pointed at the floor._ _

__Ashyln's jaw clenches in hurt more so than anger, "You don't love me." It doesn't sound like a revelation like Melody expected. It sounds like deep in the back of her mind, she already knew._ _

__Melody has nothing to say to that either._ _

__"It's Hope, isn't it?" Ashlyn's biting the inside of her cheek for reasons Melody doesn't make herself privy to._ _

__Melody shook her head earnestly, "Honey, I don't think you want the answer to that question."_ _

__"I don't, but tell me anyway." It's a struggle for Ashlyn to continue looking Melody in the eye. But she does her best. This is all happening so quickly, but she's not exactly being blindsided. She thinks they may be doing this out of order, because somehow they're already at at the closure stage. Ashlyn needs to hear it out of Melody's mouth for closure._ _

__And Melody doesn't hesitate._ _

__"It was always Hope." It was always Hope. There was evidence and proof and exhibits A-Z of that entirely true, irrefutable statement._ _

__For Melody, it was always Hope and that fact was as true and easy as breathing._ _

__But Ashlyn likes to ask the hard questions, "Have you slept with her since we've been dating?"_ _

__Melody chuckled dryly, all humor long gone, "Ash...You don't want the answer to that either."_ _

__"Oh my God, you have! I'm going to kill her." Ashlyn sort of half shouts, half yelps in duress. Her hands coming to grip the sides of her head in exasperation._ _

__"No, you're not." Melody rolled her eyes in mild annoyance. A lingering thought at the back of her mind tells her she has no right to be annoyed with Ashlyn at the moment._ _

__"Yes, I am. She slept with my girlfriend. I have no choice." Ashlyn folded her arms over her chest. A pensive, thoughtful look on her face._ _

__"You're going to fly to North Carolina just to try to assinate Hope Solo?" It was now Melody's turn to fold her arms over her chest._ _

__"She's crippled, I could do it." There was almost an unsettling amount of seriousness in her voice._ _

__"Why do you two hate each other so much?" It's almost comical. Almost._ _

__"Well, you definitely didn't help that."_ _

__Okay, there's some truth to those words. All Melody did was add fuel to that fire._ _

__They're both silent for a few agonizing moments._ _

__"Why?" Ashlyn asked softly. Her eye contact no longer holding. Instead, she stared wistfully at the floor._ _

__"Why what?"_ _

__"Why Hope?" She looked up briefly. Melody didn't seem all that taken aback by the question._ _

__"I ask myself that question everyday, but I love her. I'm in love with her. And I don't know how not to be. Believe me, I've tried. It's just who I am at this point. I'm so sorry." Melody just shrugs harshly at the end of her speech. That could have only been salt in the wound for Ashlyn, but she had asked, and Melody's done lying to spare people's feelings. She never gets the desired results._ _

__"I-yeah. I'm going to need some space." Ashlyn moved to sit on the couch. Her movements were almost mechanical in nature. Melody doesn't want to make things worse by commenting._ _

__"Um, yeah. I get that. I'll go."_ _

__Melody paused at the door, "I know you probably don't want to hear any advice from me, but maybe you should call Ali sometime this week. I think that'd be good for the both of you."_ _

__Ashlyn gives no sign of acknowledgement, but Melody knows she was listening._ _

__She shut the door softly behind her, then pulled out her phone._ _

__Horrible Decision Maker: Hey, Alex. Do you mind checking on Ash today?_ _

__Tweedledee: Nope, I'll do it once I get off skype with Tobs. Everything alright?_ _

__Horrible Decision Maker: It will be._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__It seems like there is one gigantic rain cloud over the entire state of North Carolina. It's raining just about anywhere you go. The type of rain that makes anything you do seem that much more dramatic._ _

__It's The Notebook rain._ _

__Melody steels herself in her car. Her breath becomes a bit more even and calm, just enough to where she's not going to hyperventilate._ _

__She stepped out of the car and into the torrential downpour. She's soaked through in seconds and freezing her tits off._ _

__None of that slows her done, though. She's got one more thing to do. She's payed for her crimes and this is her penance._ _

__The wood of the door is soft as she knocks on it. She has a key, but now is not the time to use it._ _

__The door opens slowly, curiously. Hope stands on the other side of it with an identical expression. There's a question on her lips, but Melody never lets it see the light of day. Before she can get it out, Melody is kissing her like her life depends on it (it kind of does) and Hope is pulling her into the house._ _

__"I'm sorry for making you wait. I love you. And I want to be with you. Only you. I'm a hypocrite and a-"_ _

__"I love you too." Hope interrupted simply._ _

__That's the first time they make love (in almost an year of knowing each other and doing whatever it is they were doing), not just fuck or have sex. Make love. It's just as intense, if not more, as the rough, careless stuff._ _

__And it's great, because Melody was freezing, and her clothes were soaked through, but where she's going she won't be needing those._ _

__Because Hope's home is warm._ _

__Hope's bed is warm._ _

__Hope is warm. And Hope is home._ _


	13. I'll do nothing but submit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 4 more chapters left! Kudos and comment please!

_It'll be 'til the end, give me nothing I've ever tried. It'll be the perfect sin, something like the truest lie. Everywhere somehow, the only place I'll ever be. As long as you hold me down, oh such a liberty. ___

__"If I walk in here and Ashlyn so much as breathes in my direction, then I reserve the right to kick her ass."_ _

__Melody rolled her eyes at her girlfriend, "I'm not making that deal with you."_ _

__"Oh, I wasn't asking for permission." Hope said matter-of-factly._ _

__"Was it in your contract to dislike each other so much? If so, you can stop now, because that was terminated six months ago, in case you forgot."_ _

__Hope huffed out an annoyed breath, "She's a privileged prick who has everything she's worked for handed to her. Fuck. I practically wrapped you in a bow and shipped you over to her with a singing telegram."_ _

__That was an exaggeration if Melody had ever heard one. And in all honesty, it wasn't really true. Hope had very little to do with Melody's inconvenient dalliance with Ashlyn. Well, Hope had very little to do with it if you disregard the fact that the relationship was totally a distraction for Melody in the first place._ _

__"Yes, I know you hate her, and she hates you just as much. You're mortal enemies. Whatever. But can you please not do something that could potentially get you arrested?! You got me. I'm stuck with you. You don't have to fight anymore. You can relax, Hope." Melody leans up to kiss Hope softly._ _

__Hope started to pout uncharacteristically. Melody placed a hand on the taller woman's cheek._ _

__"But-"_ _

__Melody shook her head with a soft smile, "If she starts to get chippy we'll just leave, and you'll just have to live with the knowledge that she sees me going home with you, and not her."_ _

__Though, Melody thought, Hope would be pleasantly surprised to find that Ashlyn probably doesn't care nearly as much as Hope assumes she does._ _

__It took awhile (like months), but after some urging from Alex, Ashlyn finally gave Ali a call. Melody isn't quite sure what has developed for them since that, but from the stark peices of information she can pull out of Alex now and then, things are going well._ _

__"I love you."_ _

__Melody looked up at Hope. The seriousness in her face and earnest in her voice had caught her off gaurd._ _

__"I love you too."_ _

__The pure determination in Hope's gaze is astounding, "I'm going to put my last name on the back of your jersey one day."_ _

__Melody chuckled, "That'll get confusing won't it?"_ _

__"That implies that I'll be playing again." Hope scoffed. She stuffed her hands into her back pockets, and leaned onto the kitchen counter behind her._ _

__"Won't you? Your suspension is up." They hadn't talked about that. Which, was an odd thing for them at this point. Couples therapy had taught them that they pretty much needed to talk about everything because of their individual tendencies to keep things to theirselves._ _

__And they had abided by that rule. Apparently, relationships weren't that hard when you tell the other person how you feel. Who would've thought?_ _

__Melody had just assumed Hope would come back to the team. To her it was a given. Hope had unfinished business, and her entire MO was proving people wrong. The conclusion was natural._ _

__"What would be the reason to go back now?"_ _

__"I like you behind me. I feel better when you're there. I think the rest of the team does too, even if they won't admit it. And now, your fucking shoulder works."_ _

__"You've got Alyssa." Hope shrugged unconvincingly._ _

__"Alyssa is great but she's not Hope Solo." Though, Melody might be biased._ _

__"She doesn't need to be."_ _

__"No. She doesn't, but I need you to be."_ _

__Hope swallowed harshly, but otherwise didn't say anything. Melody's fine with putting a pin in that conversation for now._ _

__Instead, she starts a different conversation. One that's been plaguing her for months._ _

__"You know, you never let me finish apologizing that day." Melody bowed her head slightly, her eyes connecting with the kitchen floor._ _

__"Because you didn't need to. I knew you were upset and I knew why you did what you did. You were scared. I did the same thing to you before the Olympics. It's okay, because I get it. I get you. I love you." Hope shrugged as if it was that simple._ _

__Maybe it was for her. Melody just needed to forgive herself at some point and get over it. But it was hard. Hard to forgive herself for hurting someone she loves._ _

__"Yeah. Okay. I love you too. We need to hurry up and leave before we're late." Melody insisted._ _

__Hope scrunched up her nose in slight disgust, "Do we really have to go? I can think of a million others things we could do instead. Most of them involve that very large, expensive bed upstairs."_ _

__Melody let out a breathy sigh at the hands crawling themselves along her waist, "Yes, we do really have to go. It's only a dinner. Kelley will be there..."_ _

__"I talked to Kelley yesterday."_ _

__"Carli?"_ _

__"I just decided I don't like Carli anymore."_ _

__Melody glared at Hope and grabbed the roaming hands that were slowly slithering their way under her shirt._ _

__"We're going. Stop trying to distract me with sex." Melody said, placing Hope's hands next to her own sides._ _

__"Fine. I'm scowling the entire time."_ _

__Melody didn't argue that point and Hope ran with it. She did indeed scowl that entire dinner. She only stopped when Kelley whispered something to her, but once Kelley was done whispering she went right back to scowling._ _

__Other than that, dinner went about as well as expected. And maybe that was only because it was half the team. It doesn't really matter. Melody's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth._ _

__☆☆☆☆_ _

__"Kelley said she caught Carli staring at her like three times last night." Hope spoke lazily. Her head was practically buried into her pillow, the comforter pulled all the way up to her ears._ _

__Melody lay next to her in a similar position. Only she wasn't trying to suffocate herself. Her face was partially tucked against Hope's shoulder._ _

__"And did Kelley do anything about it?"_ _

__"Of course not. She still firmly believes Carli hates her for some reason. I think she knows deep down that it's actually the complete opposite, but she's just scared."_ _

__Melody chuckled softly, "That sounds familiar."_ _

__"Yeah...I think I'm just going to lock them in a soundproof room and let them have it out. Whatever that may entail." Hope's nose scrunched, though, the only tell is the pillow case bunching up._ _

__"Ew."_ _

__"I know."_ _

__"Pretty sure Ashlyn and Ali are fucking." Melody's eyebrows furrowed at her own statement._ _

__"Never mention Ashlyn and 'fucking' in the same sentence while you're in bed with me ever again." Hope's head is still pressed into the pillow._ _

__Melody laughed heartily, "I'm serious. They looked pretty cozy together at dinner."_ _

__"I know you're serious. That's the only reason why I haven't walked out of the room yet."_ _

__Melody tapped Hope's side playfully, "You wouldn't move if something was chasing you right now."_ _

__"You're right. I've never been this comfortable in my entire life." Hope somehow sunk deeper into the mattress. There was just something so intimate and relaxing about lazing around in bed with her girlfriend._ _

__Melody hummed, "I'm happy for her. For them."_ _

__"I'm glad because it means she's over you. You're mine. So, in that capacity I'm happy for her too." Hope blindly reached out her arm to pull Melody closer to her._ _

__"That was so backwards, but it's progress. I guess." Melody let herself be scooted with an eye roll._ _

__"You can call it that if you want. Doesn't mean I like her. I like the fact that she doesn't like you anymore."_ _

__Melody huffed and shrugged, "Close enough."_ _


	14. Lets be alone together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.

_I don't know where you're going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul?_

"You were way more fun to play 1 v 1 with when you'd let me score." Melody crossed her arms petulantly. Hope popped back up from where she had made the save.

"I don't let you score."

"My point still stands." Melody's eyes narrowed that much more.

Hope rolled her eyes playfully.

"Clearly you're still good at this so come back to me." Melody walked closer to her girlfriend slowly. Her face morphing from mildly annoyed to optimistic.

"I always come back to you." Hope said seriously. Melody's breath hitched. Hope was avoiding the topic and it almost worked.

"I know that. I mean come back to the team. I miss you." Melody was standing directly in front of Hope now. Her arms still crossed over her chest but her face much softer.

"How could you possibly miss me? We live in the same house." Hope tucked the soccer ball under her arm, and placed the opposite hand on her hip.

"That's a moot point. You're deflecting. Stop it." Okay, now Melody is glaring again.

Hope threw her head back in annoyance. Melody was a very stubborn and determined individual when she wanted to be. It was almost impossible for Hope to get away with things.

"Don't you at the very least want a retirement game?"

Hope thought about her answer for all of three seconds, "Not particularly, no." 

Melody glared at her girlfriend for a minute. She was very clearly on the verge of stomping her foot.

"Come on." She grabbed a hold of Hope's hand and started pulling her toward her range rover.

"Where are we going?" Hope more or less let herself be pulled. She's sure if she stopped allowing it Melody would somehow get her to do what she wanted some other way.

"To get tattoos."

"What? Why?"

"Because I know the only way you'll explain to me what your problem is, is if you're distracted by pain."

"And where did you ever get that impression?"

Melody rolled her eyes, "I know you better than you know yourself."

Hope stopped once they reach the car. She looked at Melody with a surprisingly soft look. 

"You do, don't you?" Melody rocked up onto her tip toes to place a soft kiss on Hope's cheek. 

"I do. Now, stop stalling and get in the car."

Hope huffed, but did as she was told, "Why am I driving? You're the one with the master plan."

"One, it's your car, two, you know I hate driving." 

Hope did know how much Melody hated driving. It was one of the reasons why as soon as she could Melody more or less moved herself into Hope's house.

"Maybe I want to be chauffeured around for once."

"And maybe I want you to tell me why you don't want your job back without me having to pry it out of you."

Well that escalated quicker than Hope would have liked.

Hope leant back in her seat with the force of her sigh. She stared at the ceiling of her car.

"I just don't feel the need to come back. I don't feel like I have unfinished business. I don't feel needed nor do I feel wanted."

Melody grabbed Hope's hand and began to fiddle with her fingers, "I need you. I want you."

"I know that, and you have me but with the team...I-it's just different. In the grand scheme of things I think I accomplished what I set out to do. I proved my point. It's the right time to close that chapter. Start a new one." 

"And what does this new chapter entail exactly?"

Hope smiled softly, "I don't know yet. And normally that would terrify me but this time, I find it oddly relaxing. Just going with the flow of things. And whatever it does entail, you'll be there with me. Right, Solo?"

"Nope. I don't see a ring on my finger. If you want to call me that, I suggest you fix that." 

Hope raised an eyebrow, "Yes, ma'am." 

"Anyway, I do think you're stuck with me, if only because I'm too lazy to move all of my stuff out of the house."

"Ha. Ha."

"Tattoos were a bad idea anyway, because Kelley is coming over tonight."

Hope's eyes widened, "She is? Why didn't she tell me? Carli is supposed to be visiting tonight!"

Melody smirked, "...And there's only one guest bedroom and the couch is only for aesthetic purposes not for sleeping, or at least that's what I plan on telling them. So, I guess they'll just be forced to sleep together...."

"You're sneaky. Though, I wish I could have been let in on this plan."

"Oh don't worry, I only came up with it 15 minutes ago while you weren't letting me score."

Hope finally started the car, "Well, this ought to be highly entertaining."

☆☆☆☆

Melody and Hope sat across from their guests awkwardly to say the least.

Kelley was all but glaring at the side of Carli's head, while Carli was staring deeply into her plate of dinner as if it was telling her the answers to life's most mysterious questions.

Melody's leg started to bounce up and down. She knew this would be an uphill battle but she didn't realize just how frustrating getting up that hill would be.

Hope placed a hand on Melody's thigh to get her to stop fidgeting. It worked but only for the fidgeting to manifest itself in other ways.

"What is your problem with each other?" Melody blurted out. Hope winced lightly.

"I don't have a-" Carli began to speak, but Kelley cut her off quite loudly.

"That's a fantastic question, Melody. What is your problem with me, Carli? Why do you hate me so much?"

"Oh no." Hope mumbled under her breath.

"I don't have a-wait. You think I hate you?" Carli actually sounded mildly hurt that Kelley would think that, but Kelley seemed to be too caught up in her rage to notice.

"No matter what I do, you just give me the cold shoulder. What am I supposed to think?"

Melody looked as though she wanted to intervene quickly. Realizing that may not have been the best way to go about things. But then again, it worked with her and Hope so why not them?

"I-I um..." Carli floundered. Kelley rolled her eyes and stood up quickly from the table.

"I'm going to bed. Come find me if you're ready to own up to absolutely anything, Carli."

Carli just stared after her sadly. She then turned around to the couple across from her.

"She thinks I hate her. Fuck. What have I done?" Carli huffed into her hands.

"Hey, she didn't freeze you out. At least not completely. Just go tell her you're sorry for being an oblivious asshole and that you're in love with her." Hope said.

"It's not that easy. She probably hates me. I've been terrible to her. Ignoring her, I can barely look her in the eye on a good day."

"Either you're being purposely obtuse right now, or you just don't know Kelley." Melody surmised.

Carli didn't respond.

"Go talk to her. Be happy."

Carli sighed, "Fine. But if she hits me I'm using your nice towels to clean up my blood."

"I'm only taking that bet because I know she won't hit you."

Carli walked off toward the guest bedroom.

Melody sat back in her chair, "How do you think this is going to go?" 

"Hmm. Horrible for about the first twenty minutes. I think we'll probably need headphones, and then afterwards we'll still need headphones but for a completely different reason."

Melody's nose scrunched up, "Ew."

"I know."

"If you two fuck, you're cleaning the sheets yourselves!" Melody hollered into the hallway.

Hope chuckled, "Yeah, that should teach them, babe."

"If they don't clean the sheets, you get to."

Hope frowned.


	15. I can still taste you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left after this one! Also, if you want more Hope I am currently writing a Hope x Reader fic, hopefully out around the same time the last chapter is up.

_Remember that weekend when we got out of town? Drove into infinity. I held you 'til you fell asleep._

"Let's get out of here before they wake up. Give them time to wash those sheets." Hope suggested, pushing on Melody's shoulder a bit.

Melody hummed. She was tired but she didn't want to risk running into Kelley or Carli if they were in post-coital bliss.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. I kind of wanted to frolic in a garden or something." Hope fidgeted. She was already dressed, and her hands were stuffed into her back pockets.

Melody raised an eyebrow, a slight smile on her face, "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"

Hope left out a breathy laugh, "Come on, there's an apple ochard like thirty minutes for here. Far away and obscure enough so they can't find us when they eventually come out of their sex cave."

Melody laughed and nodded, "Fine. But should we check on them?"

Hope's nose turned up, "Like get close to the door? What if I hear something? Please don't make me do that."

"Yeah. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. We'll just slide a note under the door."

~•~

"Is the sun brighter than usual? Or do I just never actually leave the house until night?" Melody asked, her left hand coming up to shield her eyes from the sun. Her right firmly planted in Hope's grasp.

"Both."

Melody stopped to look at the vast area of land in front of her. She eyed one of the apple trees next to her. She quickly decided she wanted all of the ones out of her reach.

She looked over to Hope with a pout. 

Hope rolled her eyes before stepping forward, "Which one do you want?"

"Whichever looks the best to you."

Hope sighed before reaching up and grabbing the best looking apple she could find. She quickly picked it away from its branch and handed it to Melody.

Melody paused for a second, "Wait. Are supposed to collect the ones off the ground instead?"

Hope only stared back at Melody with a blank face.

"You weren't listening to the farmer guy either were you?"

Hope shook her head. She had been too preoccupied to listen to anything that old man had to say.

"I was staring at your ass."

"And I was staring at the dude behind him who looked like he wanted to call me a slur....oh well!" Melody happily bit into her apple. Only to immediately grimace.

"Ew! Red Delicious. Why didn't you warn me?" Melody pouted. 

"The sign said that this entire aisle would be Red Delicious. I figured you saw it."

Well, obviously, she hadn't. Melody huffed before grabbing Hope's free hand again and dragging her along.

"Come on, baby. Let's go find the Galas! Red Delicious are only good if you're under the age of five years old."

Hope chuckled lightly, "Why do you know so much about apples? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Melody laughed loudly, "Yes. Before we met, I was an appleologist. But I had to put down the lab coat after my colleague got eaten by a mutant apple we had been experimenting on. I just couldn't go on without her."

"Somehow, I don't believe you."

The two walked along the long rows of trees before Hope abruptly stopped walking. She pulled Melody toward her.

"I love you." She kissed her on the forehead softly. 

"I love you too, Hope." 

Hope nodded before taking a deep breath. Then, she slowly kneeled down unto one of her knees.

Melody bit the inside of her cheek, "Hope, what if people are looking!?"

"No one is looking. I knew you'd ask that so I paid a lot of money to make sure people weren't looking."

Melody did acknowledge that it had been uncharacteristically empty for it to be mid fall. She had just assumed the lack of other visitors was due to the early morning hour.

"Now, can I speak? There's a apple tree twig jamming itself into my knee."

Melody had trouble stifling her laughter, but she nodded, urging Hope on.

"Melody, I think I fell in love with you the first time you scored on me. But I kept pushing it to the back of mind. For one I was married, and I knew things that you didn't. Things I didn't want you to know. Then, that day you stayed with me after my surgery and we talked and did other things...I just knew. I wasn't going to let you get away from me again because I loved you more than I loved myself, more than I love anything. I just... love you, so Melody Evelyn Bordeaux will you marry me?" 

Melody nodded slowly, wiping at a stray tear that had escaped her eye, "Of course, I'll marry you." Hope smiled brightly, she pulled a box out of her pocket and opened it. 

She slid the ring on Melody's finger.

"You are going to get so much sex tonight. And great job on the ring." Melody mumbled against Hope's lips. Hope only chuckled into the kiss.

~•~

"Did she say 'yes'?" Kelley asked excitedly as soon as the couple entered the home. Her arms were full of recently cleaned bedsheets.

"She did. And she advises you get out of her house so she can celebrate with her fiance." Melody spoke a little bit harsher than she intended.

Carli popped up behind Kelley, "Don't worry. We're on our way out. I already booked a night at a nearby hotel."

"Great." Melody grabbed a piece of Hope's shirt and dragged her toward the bedroom.

Hope made eye contact with Kelley as she passed, "I'm sort of scared." But before Kelley can reply, Hope is yanked into the bedroom by the collar of her shirt, the door closing firmly shut behind her.

"I hope she keeps a water bottle in there."

~•~

They announce their engagement and subsequently their relationship via Instagram. The concept is all Melody's idea, of course, but Hope is happy to be along for the ride.

The post consisted of them sitting on a backless bench, their backs to the camera, and their jerseys on. The only difference from normal being that both jerseys say 'Solo'.

Melody captioned her post with a short and sweet message: She didn't even have to ask.

Hope's caption is short, but it's not nearly as sweet as Melody would have liked: She definitely has a thing for gks.

The upside is that, for the most part, no one that doesn't know them personally realizes there's a connection between Hope's caption and anything else. Well, a few very observant fans probably do, but nothing too damaging.

"You just can't help yourself can you?" Melody said as she sat next to her fiance on the couch.

Hope smirked, "With you? Never."


End file.
